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Band 5

It is sad that life is becoming increasingly stressful for most people. What is the reason of this phenomenon and how could this problem be solved?

#life #people #reason #phenomenon
It is worrying that many
people
 are experiencing a rise in mental instability
due to
 their living status. The primary causes are increased cost of living and lack of employment. To solve
this
, the government should remove all the subsidiaries and create employment.
Firstly
, the skyrocketed prices of commodities
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 led to most
people
unable
Add a missing verb
being unable
show examples
 to afford basic needs.
This
 has really affected the parents who have kids relying
for
Change the preposition
on
upon
show examples
 them for
provision
Correct article usage
the provision
show examples
 of education, quality health, clothing and clean water and food. Failure to meet these needs, makes the parents develop mental issues as shown
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the survey done by the students
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Florida University that showed that 95% of
people
 rehabilitated
due to
 depression were parents or guardians.
Additionally
, many community members
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mostly the youth attend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher learning courses with
hope
Add an article
the hope
show examples
 of securing a job.
However
, after completion, there is a certain percentage that tarmac and contrary to their dreams, they do not get a
vacant
Replace the word
vacancy
show examples
 to work.
This
 makes their morale
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
lower and
also
 regret why they attended the classes as they receive pressure from both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family members and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to go and look for
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
work.
This
 in turn raises their pressure and
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 stressful.
Nonetheless
, to curb the rising level of stressful
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 the state should come up with ways to reduce the cost of products so as to be affordable to everyone.
This
 will have a significant impact
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
 of low class.
For instance
, the government of Zambia has removed all the
subsidiary
Fix the agreement mistake
subsidiaries
show examples
 in the major items like fuel and its byproducts so as to ensure
people
purchace
Correct your spelling
purchase
 items without too much pressure on their pockets.
Further
, in order to create
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, the government should promote
self employment
Add a hyphen
self-employment
show examples
 by providing SMEs with loans at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower
interests
Correct the article-noun agreement
interest
show examples
 and
also
 encourage the use of skills and talents to earn income.
For example
, In
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 the use of social media
hurdle
Fix the agreement mistake
hurdles
show examples
such
 as
tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
 is being promoted as it not only
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
 to relieve stress but
also
 they receive
bonus
Add an article
a bonus
the bonus
show examples
 that helps them in their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. In conclusion, to improve mental health, jobs should be created and the cost of living lowered because most
people
 are affected by
such
 situations.
Submitted by janenjeru6 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to refine your introduction. Clearly state the problem and the proposed solutions in a more concise manner to provide a clear roadmap for the essay.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences in the paragraph relate directly to this topic. This will enhance logical structure and clarity.
relevant specific examples
Provide more concrete and specific examples to support your points. Examples can help to illustrate and strengthen your arguments effectively.
complete response
You have addressed both the causes of increased stress and potential solutions, meeting the requirements of the task.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
You have included some specific examples, like the survey from Florida University and the policies in Zambia and the UK, which help to support your points.

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