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Band 3.5

In spite of technological developments in transportation, many people believe that a bicycle is the best way to reach in any destination. What are the advantages and disadvantages of using a bicycle nowadays?

#spite #developments #transportation #people #bicycle #destination
In
this
 newly industrialized world, products are improved. Non-advanced machines
also
 changed into
driverles
Correct your spelling
driverless
drivers
.
This
 technology
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 has advantages and disadvantages. In my view, the drawbacks are greater than the benefits. In
this
 essay, both pros and cons will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, it has some positive points.
Initially
, when a vehicle is changed into the driverless it can provide some influence things.
In other words
, by using
this
 system people only do their
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
work.
For example
, employment people can do their office work.
Moreover
, it can reinforce their family and friendly relationships.
For instance
, it's free time for drivers and can speak with their families or enjoy
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the road.
Therefore
, have
active
Add an article
an active
show examples
 role in The automotive industry .
On the other hand
, every coin has two sides.
Firstly
,
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of accidents is one of the problems of driverless
cars
. To exemplify, in the rainy weather the sensors of
cars
 are not working and it is very dangerous.
Furthermore
, at the time of accidents, it is very hard for traffic police to Identify the culprit.
Hence
, there is no doubt
this
 technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
substantial
Add an article
a substantial
show examples
 problem. In conclusion, on the basis of the points above, these days driverless
cars
 are alternatives to normal
cars
 but, it is irrefutable
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 problem of
this
 system is very huge rather than
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
. So, from my perspective ,the demerits overpower the merits .
Submitted by rezvanmansoori388 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph logically leads to the next and consider using more cohesive devices.
task achievement
Develop your main points further with deeper analysis and more specific examples. This will make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
language
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence types to better articulate your points.
content
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of driverless cars, showing an understanding of the issue.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a good framework for the discussion.
content
You've included reasonable examples to support your points, which adds to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • eco-friendly
  • cardiovascular fitness
  • urban pollution
  • congestion
  • cycling infrastructure
  • weather dependency
  • vulnerable
  • initial purchase
  • ongoing maintenance
  • secure storage
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