In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country., while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and giye your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that no one can live without money and everyone works hard to get it.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that a few people enter extremely high
salaries
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and, it is good for a country . There is
also
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an argument that others believe that the
government
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should control
salaries
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and limit the amount people can earn.
This
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essay
wil
Correct your spelling
will
analyze
this
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topic from both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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of view and express my opinion. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand, no harm
on
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in
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high
Add an article
a high
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salary.
In other words
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, if a few people are given big
salaries
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,it would not harm the other
employees
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, they worked hard to get it and they
deserves
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deserve
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it.
In addition
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,
usually
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usually,
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the employee has a big family.
For example
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, the
employees
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who
gets
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get
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a high
Correct the article-noun agreement
a high salary
high salaries
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salaries
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have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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big
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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, and that can
lead to
Verb problem
apply
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benefit the
government
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by taking the kids to
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the amusing
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amusing
Replace the word
amusement
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park
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parks
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and
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apply
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,
that
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which
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can increase the
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government
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government's
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income .
On the other hand
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, limiting the
salaries
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and,
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
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it. It is
also
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possible to say that limiting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
salaries
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can help the
government
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to
remain
Verb problem
maintain
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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income and to be prepared
to
Change preposition
for
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anything.
Moreover
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, the difference between
employees
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may lead to hate.
For instance
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, if there was
difference
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the difference
a difference
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on
Change preposition
in
show examples
salaries
Use synonyms
it may cause problems and hate among the
employees
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. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question.on balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
the
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apply
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justice to give the
employees
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the
salaries
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they
deserves
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deserve
show examples
not more not less.
Submitted by alaa5942005 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the two different viewpoints without ambiguity.
task achievement
Work on the clarity and grammatical accuracy of your sentences. For example, "enter extremely high salaries" should be "earn extremely high salaries."
task achievement
Use specific and relevant examples to support your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen your transitions between ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay discusses both viewpoints as required by the task.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your viewpoint.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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