WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
There is no
doubts
, that some families choose to find employees who stay with their children. I believe, that the phenomenon has positive development and in Fix the agreement mistake
doubt
the
Correct determiner usage
this
essay
I will explain the reasons Add a comma
essay,
of
my opinion.
Change preposition
for
To begin
with, as the advantage of babysiters
usage, the decreasing number of postpartum depressions will be considered. Correct your spelling
babysitter
For instance
, many mothers who stay home with kids
may suffer from Correct pronoun usage
their kids
the
mental disease. Correct article usage
apply
This
is because,
the former Remove the comma
apply
deily
routine Correct your spelling
daily
such
as the
attending Correct article usage
apply
the
work or visiting the gym which can give satisfaction are Correct article usage
apply
substitud
by the Correct your spelling
substituted
moundane
chores. Correct your spelling
mundane
In contrast
, If the woman return to her job, sport, and metings
with friends, she could recover faster. Correct your spelling
meetings
Finally
, the
mental health and Correct article usage
apply
the
happiness in Correct article usage
apply
marrige
are supported by the phenomenon.
Correct your spelling
marriage
In addition
, the financial benefit folows
from the decision to attract external help to look after their Correct your spelling
follows
flows
todlers
. In Correct your spelling
toddlers
city
where I am based, Add an article
a city
the city
to hire
a person who will stay in Change the verb form
hiring
a
Change the article
an
appartment
and do all activities with youngsters could cost three Correct your spelling
apartment
time
less than Change to a plural noun
times
a
salary of the Correct article usage
the
mather
. Correct your spelling
mother
As a result
, the houshold
may earn more money and Correct your spelling
household
became
more sustainable. Alternatively, staying home Change the verb form
become
by
one of Change preposition
apply
parents
could decrease the family Add an article
the parents
buget
twice Correct your spelling
budget
what
can lead to Correct pronoun usage
which
the
shortage of money. Correct article usage
a
Moreover
, the continuation of working by two parents increases their chances to be
promoted Change preposition
of being
on
Change preposition
in
career
, Correct pronoun usage
their career
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
also
positively influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
on
Change preposition
apply
the
salary.
In conclusion, I support the idea that the practice of Change the word
their
the
Correct article usage
apply
geting
help from nurses or other individuals to cover the parential needs is Correct your spelling
getting
benefitial
. Correct your spelling
beneficial
Firstly
, the psychological effect from faster returning to common life with plesure
. Correct your spelling
pleasure
Secondly
, the rising
Replace the word
rise
of
income Change preposition
in
occured
when a woman came back to Correct your spelling
occurred
occurs
the
work.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on
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Grammar
Try to reduce minor grammatical errors and typos, for example: change 'doubt' to 'doubts', 'babysiters' to 'babysitters', 'houshold' to 'household', etc.
Grammar
To improve the logical structure, break long sentences into shorter ones, which helps in better understanding and avoid over-complexity, for instance, change 'some families choose to find employees who stay with their children' to 'some families choose to hire employees to look after their children'.
Supporting Examples
Aim to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, such as detailed personal experiences or specific data/statistics.
Introduction
Work on improving your introduction to make it clearer and more engaging. Instead of starting with 'There is no doubt...', you might start with a more direct statement of your stance or an intriguing fact related to the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from better use of linking words and phrases. Adding variety in conjunctions and transition words will improve flow. Use words like 'therefore, however, consequently', etc. more effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task fully by discussing both the psychological and financial benefits of parents hiring help to look after their children.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument and ties back to the points discussed in the essay.
Elaboration of Ideas
The essay shows an ability to elaborate on ideas, providing multiple reasons for the stated opinion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example