WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #families #parents #work #people #children

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There is no

doubts

Fix the agreement mistake

doubt

show examples

, that some families choose to find employees who stay with their children. I believe, that the phenomenon has positive development and in

the

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

I will explain the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

my opinion.

To begin

Linking Words

with, as the advantage of

babysiters

Correct your spelling

babysitter

usage, the decreasing number of postpartum depressions will be considered.

For instance

Linking Words

, many mothers who stay home with

kids

Correct pronoun usage

their kids

show examples

may suffer from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mental disease.

This

Linking Words

is because

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the former

deily

Correct your spelling

daily

routine

such

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

attending

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

work or visiting the gym which can give satisfaction are

substitud

Correct your spelling

substituted

by the

moundane

Correct your spelling

mundane

chores.

In contrast

Linking Words

, If the woman return to her job, sport, and

metings

Correct your spelling

meetings

show examples

with friends, she could recover faster.

Finally

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

mental health and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

happiness in

marrige

Correct your spelling

marriage

are supported by the phenomenon.

In addition

Linking Words

, the financial benefit

folows

Correct your spelling

follows

flows

from the decision to attract external help to look after their

todlers

Correct your spelling

toddlers

. In

city

Add an article

a city

the city

show examples

where I am based,

to hire

Change the verb form

hiring

show examples

a person who will stay in

Change the article

show examples

appartment

Correct your spelling

apartment

and do all activities with youngsters could cost three

time

Change to a plural noun

times

show examples

less than

Correct article usage

the

show examples

salary of the

mather

Correct your spelling

mother

show examples

As a result

Linking Words

, the

houshold

Correct your spelling

household

may earn more money and

became

Change the verb form

become

show examples

more sustainable. Alternatively, staying home

Change preposition

apply

show examples

one of

parents

Add an article

the parents

show examples

could decrease the family

buget

Correct your spelling

budget

twice

what

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

can lead to

the

Correct article usage

show examples

shortage of money.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the continuation of working by two parents increases their chances

to be

Change preposition

of being

show examples

promoted

Change preposition

show examples

career

Correct pronoun usage

their career

show examples

what

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

also

Linking Words

positively

influence

Correct subject-verb agreement

influences

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Change the word

their

show examples

salary. In conclusion, I support the idea that the practice of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

geting

Correct your spelling

getting

help from nurses or other individuals to cover the parential needs is

benefitial

Correct your spelling

beneficial

Firstly

Linking Words

, the psychological effect from faster returning to common life with

plesure

Correct your spelling

pleasure

Secondly

Linking Words

, the

rising

Replace the word

rise

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

income

occured

Correct your spelling

occurred

occurs

when a woman came back to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

work.

Submitted by sergeybelov83 on Sat Jul 13 2024

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Grammar

Try to reduce minor grammatical errors and typos, for example: change 'doubt' to 'doubts', 'babysiters' to 'babysitters', 'houshold' to 'household', etc.

Grammar

To improve the logical structure, break long sentences into shorter ones, which helps in better understanding and avoid over-complexity, for instance, change 'some families choose to find employees who stay with their children' to 'some families choose to hire employees to look after their children'.

Supporting Examples

Aim to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments, such as detailed personal experiences or specific data/statistics.

Introduction

Work on improving your introduction to make it clearer and more engaging. Instead of starting with 'There is no doubt...', you might start with a more direct statement of your stance or an intriguing fact related to the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay would benefit from better use of linking words and phrases. Adding variety in conjunctions and transition words will improve flow. Use words like 'therefore, however, consequently', etc. more effectively.

Task Achievement

The essay addresses the task fully by discussing both the psychological and financial benefits of parents hiring help to look after their children.

Conclusion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument and ties back to the points discussed in the essay.

Elaboration of Ideas

The essay shows an ability to elaborate on ideas, providing multiple reasons for the stated opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

287 words

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Full- time students should not spend a lot of time on studying, but the should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?