The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend.
There has been a just under quarter
percent
increase in obese Change the spelling
per cent
children
in the last
decade in western
Capitalize word
Western
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
such
as Europe and America. In this
essay
I will not only explain what reasons are behind Add a comma
essay,
this
but also
shed light on what possible detrimental effects it can result in.
In light of this
negative tendency, there are myriad causes such
as fast food
, improved technology and increasing
number of chemicals in Correct article usage
an increasing
food
. As our lives become tighter in time
members of the public started to decrease their lunch time
by getting food
from the streets, which after some time
became a trend amongst most people and their kids although
it is not healthy. Along with
that, the decent improvements in technology made most of our lives turn into passive lifestyle
, especially kids given that most parents do not let their child go out occasionally Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
due to
safety reasons which concludes
in them being bored at home and spending inactive Verb problem
results
time
on their tablets. Regarding chemicals in food
, some busy parents are not able to cook for their children
, so they prefer frozen or ready to eat
foods. Add a hyphen
ready-to-eat
This
is also
hazardous for youngsters as they
Correct pronoun usage
it
contain
many chemicals causing obesity.
Considering these reasons, there are certainly consequences Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
say
bullying and health Verb problem
such as
problems
. Bullying can be done in various ways and body shaming is one of them which affects children
mentally. More and more kids face this
almost every day and it stays with them for most of their lives. As to the
health Correct article usage
apply
problems
, overweight people tend to have heart problems
which even can lead to death.
In conclusion, obesity in children
has been a big problem for over a decade. It is mainly caused by fast food
and technology and results in severe health problems
and bullying among children
.Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on
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task achievement
The essay provides a relevant and clear response to the task but can benefit from elaboration of ideas with more specific examples. Consider adding more detailed examples or statistics to strengthen arguments.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a logical structure, transitioning between paragraphs and ideas should be smoother. Using clearer topic sentences and cohesive devices will help ideas flow better.
language use
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrases that can be improved. Pay attention to sentence structure to ensure clarity and correctness.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies multiple causes of obesity in children, such as fast food, improved technology, and chemicals in food, providing a comprehensive view of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively summarize the main points of the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses not only the causes but also the effects of childhood obesity, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the task requirements.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.