IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph and the table show the average monthly temperatures and anual hours of sunshine reseivered by the three major cities.

the graph and the table show the average monthly temperatures and anual hours of sunshine reseivered by the three major cities.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #three #cities
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The given line graph illustrates the
temperatures
 for each month in
London
, New
York
,
Sydney
Correct word choice
and Sydney
show examples
 over
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one year,
while
 the table shows the
hours
 of
sunshine
 for the three different cities throughout
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 year.
Overall
, it can be seen that the
temperatures
 in
London
 and New
York
 were mostly hotter than
Sydney
Change preposition
in Sydney
show examples
 over the time frame. Taking a look at the table, New
York
 was a city that had the most
hours
 of
sunshine
,
while
London
 witnessed
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 opposite trend. With regards to the line graph which experienced the changes in
temperatures
. In terms of
London
temperatures
, starting with a cold climate in January (approximately 20) before rising dramatically for the next 6 months to 25 and
then
 it declined, by the end of the period
London
 temperature was exactly 20. Meanwhile, New
York
 was cold
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
initial
Change the word
initially
show examples
 with only 5, sharing a similar trend as
London
 and reaching a peak at warm weather, about 30 in July before decreasing to the same temperature with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
begin
Replace the word
beginning
show examples
.
In contrast
,
Sydney
 showed
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 weather in January (nearly 27), it later dropped dramatically, hitting a low at 25 in the middle of the time frame,
then
 recovering gradually until December with just under 26. Moving on to the table which demonstrates the total
hours
 of
sunshine
, both New
York
along
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Sydney
 shared a similar number, 2535 and 2473
hours
 of
sunshine
, respectively. As for
London
, it only had a half of these, with 1158
hours
.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, london, york, sydney, hours, sunshine with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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