IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, some individuals are of the view that
information
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 should be shared more and more in scientific research
,
Correct word choice
and, academic
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academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 world
while
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 others believe that, because of its vitality and value, one cannot just dish out
information
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 just like that.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and in my opinion, I think that indeed
information
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 is too important and valuable to be shared for free. On the one hand, it should be noted that not every
information
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 is necessary to be
share
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shared
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 with everybody.
Further
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,
information
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 that benefits everyone may be shared
to
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with
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 all.
For example
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, in China, there was a serious sickness that had been spreading because of inhaling a particular plant. It was causing
people
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 to have serious headaches and collapse. A certain scientist discovered the solution and published the
information
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. It really assisted and was beneficial to all
people
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 in the land.
Thus
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, it should be noted that some
information
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 should be shared so as to save other
people
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's lives.
On the other hand
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, not every data should be just generally shared. Some
information
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 is
to
Replace the word
too
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 important and of great value to be freely shared.
For instance
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, personal details about our leaders or notable
people
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 in the society, like actors, singers or popular
people
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.
Furthermore
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, some
people
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 love privacy, so if their
information
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 is open to the public,
that is
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invasion
Add an article
an invasion
the invasion
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 of privacy and it may disturb one's image. In conclusion,
although
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 it is believed that sharing much
information
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 in scientific research, business and
academic
Correct article usage
the academic
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 world is perceived to be good,
conversely
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, it should be noted that some
information
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 is valuable and too vital to be displayed
for
Change preposition
to
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 the public. In my opinion, I think indeed some
information
Use synonyms
 is too valuable and vital to be just open to the whole world.

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general
Try to avoid repetitive phrases such as 'not every information.' Consistency and precision in language use can enhance readability and clarity.
task achievement
Develop your main points further and provide additional specific examples or case studies to support your arguments. This would strengthen your essay's task response and provide a more comprehensive analysis of both views.
coherence cohesion
Enhance paragraph transitions to improve the overall flow of the essay. Using linking words or phrases can help the reader follow your argument more easily.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides your personal opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
examples
The examples provided in your essay were relevant, helping to illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
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