Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Many
people
claim that video games
are wasting
Wrong verb form
waste
time
and damage player's
health.Fix the agreement mistake
players'
However
, this
essay partially agree
with Change the verb form
agrees
this
statement firstly
, games
platforms help some Fix the agreement mistake
game
people
to relief
their stress Replace the word
relieve
while
others can be
addicted if they Verb problem
become
are
not manage their Verb problem
do
time
.
On one hand, video games
are attracting
Wrong verb form
attract
individuls
Correct your spelling
individuals
from
different ages and could be beneficial to reduce stress from work or study,it Change preposition
of
have
been proved that playing digital Change the verb form
has
games
enhance
the Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
problem-sloving
skills Correct your spelling
problem-solving
for
some Change preposition
of
student
in math. Fix the agreement mistake
students
For example
, a recent study on a group of people
Correct pronoun usage
who spend
spend
three hours on Wrong verb form
spending
Correct article usage
the weekend
weekend
playing platform Fix the agreement mistake
weekends
games
, the results of that study shows
Change the verb form
show
improve
in their Replace the word
improvement
stratgic
and analytical thinking skills.
Correct your spelling
strategic
On the other hand
, a lot of childern
Correct your spelling
children
addicted
to digital Add a missing verb
are addicted
games
becouse
they Correct your spelling
because
loss
their sense of Replace the word
lose
time
when they start playing and this
behavior can lead to mental and social damage.For instance
, a child in china
Capitalize word
China
diagnosed
with brain disease Add a missing verb
is diagnosed
as a result
of spending excessive screen time
plays
video Wrong verb form
playing
games
.Moreover
, agressive
and violent behaviours grow from Correct your spelling
aggressive
games
addiction and affect their ability to build Change the noun form
game
a
Correct article usage
apply
longterm
Correct your spelling
long-term
relationship
.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
i
believe game platforms have two sides and Change the capitalization
I
people
should have control over their time
and observe their kids' time
to avoide
being addicted and gain the positive effects of it.Correct your spelling
avoid
Submitted by mariaalshrife on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a reasonable structure, but it could benefit from clearer signposting and more logical connections between ideas. Using transition words more effectively can improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Ensure that each main idea is thoroughly supported with relevant examples and explanations. The points made about stress relief and problem-solving skills need more depth and evidence.
language
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Proofreading and using grammar tools can help improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both the positive and negative effects of video games.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, like the study on problem-solving skills and the example of the child in China.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.