IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Money spent on space exploration is a complete waste. Governments could better spend this money on other things to benefit the nation. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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While
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space
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 exploration is increasingly demanded for new discoveries, some
people
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 believe that it is a total waste of money, desiring the public money invested for other important purposes for nations. I partially agree with
this
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 view, for deteriorating conditions of living in modern society regardless of the significance of
space
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 projects for discovering another habitable place for human settlement in the future. On the one hand, the government's investment in
space
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 examination is disadvantageous as there are a number of
people
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 suffering from poverty today.
In other words
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, many
people
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 are still left unable to access sufficient food and safe accommodations.
For example
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, many
people
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 are forced to live under a bridge because they cannot afford to pay the higher costs of housing. In fact, the place called Airin district in Osaka is one of the poorest regions whose unemployment rates are comparatively higher than other parts of Japan.
Moreover
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,
people
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 living there are often sleeping in tents outside, begging passersby for something to eat and drink.
Therefore
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, it is an emergent need for the government to protect the lives of individuals by distributing more financial resources to secure their basic right of living than on
space
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 projects whose outcomes are not often promising.
On the other hand
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, investment in
space
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 research will be beneficial because it lead to a better understanding of astronomy. Indeed, the devastating conditions on Earth
such
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 as accelerating global warming and severe shortage of natural resources raise the importance of discovering another planet for humans to settle.
Furthermore
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, the inability to accomplish
this
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 goal can lead to a devastating environment and even the progressive extinction of many living creatures including human beings.
Thus
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, financial property in
space
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 ventures is critical in raising the possibility of finding a different planet, which will promote prosperity and peace for future generations.
Consequently
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, astronomical projects will be the only way to promise
people
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 to survive in
such
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 a changing environment. In conclusion, I somewhat agree that the authorities should put more money into the area that directly impacts
people
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's lives , especially unwealthy
people
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.
However
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, the finance of
space
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 exploration is
also
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 significant in securing the lives of individuals in the long run.

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task achievement
Consider elaborating further on how space exploration projects directly benefit humanity, given the growing global challenges. This will strengthen your stance in the body paragraphs even more.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introductory and concluding statements are balanced and align perfectly with the arguments presented. For instance, the conclusion can be made a bit stronger by reiterating the key points briefly and succinctly.
task achievement
Your essay presents a well-rounded view by discussing both sides of the argument, which enriches your analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay's organization is effective, with clear paragraphs dedicated to specific points, making it easy to read and follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • complete waste
  • benefit the nation
  • technological advancements
  • foster
  • international cooperation
  • inspire
  • engage
  • boost the economy
  • long-term benefits
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