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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

45.The table below gives information about the different ways mobile phone owners use their phones in a developing country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

45.The table below gives information about the different ways mobile phone owners use their phones in a developing country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
#information #phone #owners #phones #country #features #comparisons
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The provided table demonstrates data about how many
people
Use synonyms
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 their
phones
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various ways of using
in
Correct pronoun usage
them in
show examples
 an advanced country. It can be clearly seen that the highest number of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to make calls with their
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 did not tend to record video with mobiles over the period.(Which was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage of using
phones
Use synonyms
 in
whole
Add an article
the whole
a whole
show examples
 year). The percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were into
make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
 calls with mobiles was %100 in 2006 and 2008.(Which was the highest number of users over the period).
Similarly
Linking Words
,%99 of
people
Use synonyms
 preferred to make calls by cellphones in 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
,79 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 chose to either send or receive text messages with their
phones
Use synonyms
,just ahead of 2008 at 75 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,taking photos in 2006 was not as popular as
2010
Change preposition
in 2010
show examples
 at %66 and %76,respectively
In contrast
Linking Words
,in 2006 there was no data about how many
people
Use synonyms
 liked to search the internet or record video with mobiles.Surprisingly,only 9 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of users recorded their videos
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
phones
Correct pronoun usage
their phones
show examples
 in 2008.(Which was the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 percentage of consuming cellphones over the whole year).
In addition
Linking Words
,12 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 preferred to play music
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their mobile in 2006.
While
Linking Words
,%26 of
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 wanted to listen to music in 2010.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, phones, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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