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Band 4

Mrs Barret an English speaking woman who live in youtown has advertised for somone to help her in her home for a few hours a day next summer

#mrs #barret #english #woman #youtown #somone #home #hours #summer
Dear Mrs Barret,
This
 is to inquire regarding the
advetisement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
 published recently for searching a helper. I am a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 student at
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of British Columbia and would
lke
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like
too
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to
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 come and help you with certain household activities. With my
pevious
Correct your spelling
previous
 experience as a Care Taker back in my
country
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country,
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 I hope I can
suceed
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succeed
 in
this
 position.
However
Add a comma
However,
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 I would like to help with certain activities
such
 as washing dishes, cleaning washrooms
ad
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and
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 sweeping floors, As you have mentioned in the advertisement that you prefer an individual with
capability
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the capability
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 of doing
aditional
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additional
 tasks I am grateful to support
with
Correct pronoun usage
you with
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 laundry and watering plants as well. Since I received four
week
Change to a plural noun
weeks
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 of summer vacation,
this
 will
an
Add a missing verb
be an
show examples
 opportunity for me to find
addtional
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additional
 earnings beyond my personal savings.
However
, I suppose
this
 is useful in my future
specially
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especially
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 when I am applying for another
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
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time
 work. Apart from money, I love to help people in different ways and prefer to spend
this
 summer break with some quality.
Lastly
, I would like to mention that I am available to work on weekdays from 9am to 1pm but
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
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 I can not offer any assistance during the weekends. Saturday and Sundays are used for my
perosnal
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personal
time
 and
committements
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commitments
 where I
woul
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would
 like to
hangout
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hang out
show examples
 with my friends. I am
eargely
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eagerly
largely
 waiting to hear back from you and willing to provide a reference before joining the job. Thank you very much for your
time
. Yours Faithfully, Shehani Gunasekara
Submitted by shehanigunasekara948 on

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coherence cohesion
It would greatly improve the essay if you split the work into paragraphs for better readability. Introducing clear breaks for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion can help in providing a logical structure.
task achievement
There are a few spelling and grammatical errors that need correction, such as 'advetisement' to 'advertisement', and 'perosnal' to 'personal'. Proofreading the essay before submission will help enhance clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Detailing specific past experiences related to the tasks you are willing to undertake can help strengthen the argument for your suitability for the job. Mentioning times when you successfully managed household tasks or cared for someone can be very persuasive.
task achievement
Your intention to help people and the reasons behind seeking this job have been clearly communicated. This adds a personal touch to your application, making it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Clear mention of your availability and specific time slots shows good organizational skills and a professional approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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