IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Mrs Barret an English speaking woman who live in youtown has advertised for somone to help her in her home for a few hours a day next summer

#mrs #barret #english #woman #youtown #somone #home #hours #summer
Dear Mrs Barret,
This
 is to inquire regarding the
advetisement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
 published recently for searching a helper. I am a
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
 student at
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of British Columbia and would
lke
Correct your spelling
like
too
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
 come and help you with certain household activities. With my
pevious
Correct your spelling
previous
 experience as a Care Taker back in my
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 I hope I can
suceed
Correct your spelling
succeed
 in
this
 position.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I would like to help with certain activities
such
 as washing dishes, cleaning washrooms
ad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 sweeping floors, As you have mentioned in the advertisement that you prefer an individual with
capability
Add an article
the capability
show examples
 of doing
aditional
Correct your spelling
additional
 tasks I am grateful to support
with
Correct pronoun usage
you with
show examples
 laundry and watering plants as well. Since I received four
week
Change to a plural noun
weeks
show examples
 of summer vacation,
this
 will
an
Add a missing verb
be an
show examples
 opportunity for me to find
addtional
Correct your spelling
additional
 earnings beyond my personal savings.
However
, I suppose
this
 is useful in my future
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 when I am applying for another
part
Add a hyphen
part-time
show examples
time
 work. Apart from money, I love to help people in different ways and prefer to spend
this
 summer break with some quality.
Lastly
, I would like to mention that I am available to work on weekdays from 9am to 1pm but
unfortunately
Add a comma
unfortunately,
show examples
 I can not offer any assistance during the weekends. Saturday and Sundays are used for my
perosnal
Correct your spelling
personal
time
 and
committements
Correct your spelling
commitments
 where I
woul
Correct your spelling
would
 like to
hangout
Correct your spelling
hang out
show examples
 with my friends. I am
eargely
Correct your spelling
eagerly
largely
 waiting to hear back from you and willing to provide a reference before joining the job. Thank you very much for your
time
. Yours Faithfully, Shehani Gunasekara
Submitted by shehanigunasekara948 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
It would greatly improve the essay if you split the work into paragraphs for better readability. Introducing clear breaks for the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion can help in providing a logical structure.
task achievement
There are a few spelling and grammatical errors that need correction, such as 'advetisement' to 'advertisement', and 'perosnal' to 'personal'. Proofreading the essay before submission will help enhance clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Detailing specific past experiences related to the tasks you are willing to undertake can help strengthen the argument for your suitability for the job. Mentioning times when you successfully managed household tasks or cared for someone can be very persuasive.
task achievement
Your intention to help people and the reasons behind seeking this job have been clearly communicated. This adds a personal touch to your application, making it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Clear mention of your availability and specific time slots shows good organizational skills and a professional approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: