In modern times, people are under more stress than ever. This has a negative impact on their well-being. State some of the causes and suggest possible solutions.

#times #people #stress #impact

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In contemporary

society

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people

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stress

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out more than

people

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used to. It is because

the

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apply

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society

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highly focuses on

competition

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and

this

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leads to mental health disorders.

For solving

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To solve

show examples

this

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problem, it is crucial to find a hobby. Nowadays,

people

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are constantly exposed to

competition

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making them feel

extreme

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extremely

show examples

nervous

for

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about

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losing their jobs if they don’t remain competitive. Especially, after

covid-19

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COVID-19

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broke out, the job market

have

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has

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become so vulnerable and

not stable

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unstable

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that

colossal

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a colossal

the colossal

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number of

people

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have been forced to consistent self-development.

According to

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a survey in a Korean Institution, over 70%

Korean

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of Korean

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people

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stated that they feel

high

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a high

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intension of

competition

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, which

resulted

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results

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that they are always under

stress

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This

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result clearly shows that

the

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apply

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our

society

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value

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values

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competition

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thus

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people

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are overwhelmed by

this

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suffocating situation.

However

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, finding a hobby can be a significant way to get out of

this

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fear. When we immerse ourselves in some activities that we do like spending time, we are able to totally forget about worries related to work during that period. In reality, a significant number of Korean started to join a club

for sharing

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to share

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their hobbies with others including cooking, playing

soccersand

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soccer and

soccers and

swimming after their work or during their spare time.

Additionally

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, almost two-thirds responded that they can relieve

stress

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from these activities

according to

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the survey above.

Therefore

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, it is certain that getting out of a work-related situation by participating in activities allows us to release the high level of

stress

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To sum up

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while

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today’s competitive

society

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make

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makes

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people

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feel emotional strain, it is possible to alleviate

stress

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by doing hobbies that give them a great sense of excitement and

fulfillment

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fulfilment

show examples

Submitted by jb22809467 on Sun Jul 14 2024

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writing

Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. There are several awkward phrases and grammatical errors that affect the readability of your essay.

content

Develop your main points more thoroughly with detailed explanations and multiple examples where possible. This will help improve the depth of your argument.

structure and organization

Expand on the introduction to more clearly outline the causes and solutions that will be discussed. Similarly, make the conclusion a bit more comprehensive to neatly summarize your main points.

task response

The essay addresses both the causes of stress and suggests possible solutions, which is exactly what the task requires.

content

The use of a specific survey example from Korea adds authenticity and relevance to your points.

conclusion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument of the essay and reinforces the solution you propose.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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In modern times, people are under more stress than ever. This has a negative impact on their well-being. State some of the causes and suggest possible solutions.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

In many countries plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish, causing pollution on land and in water, so people think that they should be banned. To what extent do you agree or dis-agree?

In some countries, the government promotes public transport as the primary means of transportation and discourages private vehicle ownership. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation

In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

the question is people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. Agree or disagree

Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?