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Band 3.5

Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful than those countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #time
In today's world, economics plays an important role for each
country
. Some argue that those countries which have a long working
time
 have more
economically
Change the word
economic
show examples
 achievement. In my opinion, I strongly agree with
this
 view. One of the most significant reasons to support
this
 argument is that hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 can produce the fast progression of new innovations and technology to improve the company and
country
.
For example
, China, one of the richest and
successful
Correct quantifier usage
most successful
show examples
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 in Asia, developed good quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers. They have to study hard and
work
 over the
time
,which is more than 8-10 hours per day.
Therefore
, we have no doubt
why
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 China can develop economics. Another thing to consider is that working
over
Correct your spelling
overtime
show examples
time
 can create money flow, which can help the
country
's economy.
For instance
, if I
work
 overtime, I can subsidize the night shift restaurants.
On the other hand
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long working
time
 may cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental health problems which can affect
work
's quality. We have to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance
about
Change preposition
between
show examples
work
 and life. In conclusion, the benefit, in
economic
Change the article
an economic
show examples
 way, of a long average working
time
 can outweigh the
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
. It can help the
country
 develop
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 environment.
Submitted by pat.friend22 on

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coherence
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure all paragraphs are well-linked with clear transitional phrases. This can help to connect ideas more smoothly.
task
For a more complete task response, develop the counter-argument more fully. Discussing potential drawbacks in more detail will provide a more balanced perspective.
language
Try to use more sophisticated vocabulary and a greater variety of sentence structures to enhance clarity and engagement.
examples
The essay presents clear and relevant examples, such as the reference to China’s economic progression. This effectively supports the main argument.
structure
There is a logical progression of ideas, and the main points are clearly stated and supported.
task
The task response is generally complete, directly addressing the prompt and including a balanced viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic success
  • working hours
  • productivity
  • sustainable development
  • work-life balance
  • labor laws
  • efficiency
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • burnout
  • occupational health
  • technological innovation
  • industrialized nations
  • emerging economies
  • workforce
  • competitiveness
  • workplace culture
  • employee turnover
  • quality of life
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