IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, some experts agree
with
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that
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children
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 learning a foreign
language
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 in elementary
school
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better
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are better
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 than in secondary
school
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.
However
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, I don't agree with
this
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 view. On the one hand, some experts believe that
children
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 learning a foreign
language
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 can have a good impact on their communication skills.
For instance
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,
children
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 at the age of primary
school
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 show more energy and memory
on
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in
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 learning, it’s the best
time
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 to teach them a foreign
language
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 and to train their pronunciation and
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sense of
language
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.
Moreover
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, learning a foreign
language
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 can let
children
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 learn the different cultures and histories. They learn a foreign
language
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 not only
learn
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to learn
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 the vocabulary but
also
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learn
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to learn
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 the different countries' holidays, rituals, and
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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.
On the other hand
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, I believe that there are more drawbacks than benefits for
children
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 learning a foreign
language
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 too early. If
children
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 learn foreign
language
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 and native
language
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 at the same
time
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, they might feel messy and that will interfere with the development of native
language
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.
Moreover
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, if
children
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 don't have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in learning foreign languages
that
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 might
cause
Verb problem
have
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 poor performance
for
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in
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language
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 learning and suffer from the large pressure
on
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to
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 study.
In addition
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, there are some
time
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 management and resource distribution problems.
For example
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,
children
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 need to learn math, science, and their native
language
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 at
school
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, they don't have free
time
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 to learn different languages,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 might make them feel exhausted. In conclusion, I believe that there are some benefits for
children
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 learning a foreign
language
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 earlier,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 that might lead
children
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 under a lot of pressure.
Children
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 at the age of elementary
school
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 need to learn many subjects and skills, so I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in secondary
school
Use synonyms
 might be the best choice.

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task achievement
While your essay addresses the prompt fully, be sure to clearly outline and respond to both the advantages and disadvantages directly. Your discussion of the drawbacks is clear, but the advantages could be slightly expanded.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to illustrate your points, especially when discussing the advantages of primary school foreign language learning.
coherence
Improve coherence by better connecting sentences within paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
cohesion
Clarify points within each paragraph to enhance cohesion. The ideas are largely clear, but slight improvements would polish the essay further.
conclusion
Your concluding paragraph effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reiterates the main arguments discussed in the essay.
logical structure
Logical structure is well maintained throughout the essay; each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the overall argument.
introduction conclusion present
Introduction sets up the issue well and presents a clear stance which you support throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive abilities
  • pronunciation
  • self-conscious
  • cultural awareness
  • global society
  • proficiency levels
  • competitive job market
  • foundational skills
  • qualified teachers
  • recreational activities
What to do next:
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