Task 2. Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #health

The issue of living in metropolitan

areas

is decreasing people's

health

has heightened

interest

Correct article usage

the interest

show examples

of many people

nowaday

Correct your spelling

nowadays

show examples

. In my opinion, I would consider myself an advocate of

this

statement. It is obvious to note that megacities are modern

areas

containing the top businesses and myriads of entertainment methods.

However

, settling in urban

areas

is equivalent to dealing with more

chronical

Correct your spelling

chronic

stress from the heavy workload. To be more detailed, many employees in both large and small firms have to work overtime until late

night

Change preposition

at night

show examples

or even on the weekend. Yet they are not compensated fairly

due to

their companies’ policies.

This

can elevate levels of residents’ stress since the price of services and accommodations is more and more higher through the years.

Hence

, working with a tight schedule can negatively affect people’s mental

health

. Not only mental

health

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

citizens’

Rephrase

also citizens’

show examples

physical

health

also

afflicted

Verb problem

affected

show examples

This

is probably because of the increasing amount of released toxic gasses from

transportations

Fix the agreement mistake

transportation

show examples

and

wastes

Fix the agreement mistake

waste

show examples

. Hanoi and Paris can be cited as an outstanding sample for

this

perspective. Recently, the air contamination level in Hanoi has been dramatically raised and is on high alert. As for Paris, contrary to the splendid images on the Internet, the capital of France is complained to be a place filled with trash.

This

issue will surge the percentage of lung cancer and other related diseases.

Therefore

, the air pollution problem in megacities can pose a great threat to an individual’s physical

health

. In conclusion, residing in urban

areas

brings

unfavorable

Change the spelling

unfavourable

show examples

impacts on both people’s mental

health

and physical

health

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Sun Jul 14 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a relevant and clear response to the task, but there are minor grammatical errors and a few areas where wording could be improved. For instance, 'more chronical stress' should be 'chronic stress.'

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to maintain coherence. Some sentences can be constructed better for clarity, such as '...settling in urban areas is equivalent to dealing with more chronical stress from the heavy workload' could be revised to 'Settling in urban areas often means dealing with chronic stress due to heavier workloads.'

introduction and conclusion present

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument well.

supported main points

You provide specific, relevant examples to support your points, such as mentioning Hanoi and Paris.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

respiratory problems
population density
stress levels
mental health issues
sedentary lifestyles
healthcare facilities
cardiovascular diseases
psychological well-being
recreational areas
social networks

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Task 2. Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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