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Band 3

In the future, more people will choose to go on holidays in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday? Do you ageree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience

#future #people #holidays #country #travel #holiday #ageree
It is a common belief that more
people
 are going to travel on
hoildays
Correct your spelling
holidays
holiday
 in their own country,
instead
 of traveling abroad.
However
, I strongly believe that more
people
 will travel abroad on
hoilday
Correct your spelling
holiday
.
This
 is because many
people
 already have experienced their own country's
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 and individuals.
Firstly
, many
people
 admire
to take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
 on
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
such
 as experiencing another
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
 and language that do not speak in their own
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
 and feel significantly
boring
Replace the word
bored
show examples
 with their daily life.
As a result
, more
people
 would like to go overseas in order to explore these.
For instance
,
according to
airport
Correct article usage
an airport
show examples
 access survey,
people
 traveling overseas increased 5 per cent point than in the past for
these reason
Change the determiner
this reason
these reasons
show examples
. On top of that, if
people
 have enough
time
 and money, they can go
which
Change preposition
to which
show examples
 countries they want to
undergo
Verb problem
go to
show examples
 because in recent years, moving
time
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 quite similar to going abroad, compared to going to
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
 in their own country.
For example
, USA moving
Change preposition
to another
show examples
another cities
Replace the adjective
another city
other cities
show examples
 takes 12 hours.
However
, Flight
time
 to
Europ
Correct your spelling
Europe
show examples
 takes 12
hourse
Correct your spelling
hours
, which is nearly similar
time
.
To sum up
, more and more
people
 hope they can choose to go overseas
due to
experien
Correct your spelling
experience
 different
cultural
Replace the word
cultures
show examples
,
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
, food and
people
 .
these
Change preposition
For these
show examples
 reasons,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that more
people
 will prefer to go abroad in the future.
Submitted by garim4645 on

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task achievement
While you have provided a response to the task, it's important to offer a balanced view and discuss potential reasons why some people might prefer domestic holidays. This would make your essay more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the logical flow of your essay. Some ideas feel disconnected or not sufficiently developed. Use linking phrases and ensure each paragraph introduces, explains, and concludes a singular idea clearly.
task achievement
Focus on developing your main points with clearer examples. The examples should be detailed and relevant to the point you're making. The airport access survey and the travel times between cities and continents could be more clearly linked to your main argument.
task achievement
The conclusion provides a clear summary of your points and reinforces your view effectively.
task achievement
You have a good introduction that states your position clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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