You should spend about 40 mins. Write about the following topic: Many people think that mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays the world has
covered
by the Add a missing verb
been covered
advancenment
Correct your spelling
advances
of
technology namely the internet and electronic devices. There is no doubt that with the new technologies , the communities find Change preposition
in
its
useful and convenient in our daily Correct pronoun usage
it
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, there is
some Change the verb form
are
agurments
among the public Correct your spelling
arguments
argument
whether
mobile Change preposition
about whether
phones
should be banned in the
public areas. I believe that I Correct article usage
apply
partialy
agree with the statement above which I will explain in the following paragraph.
Correct your spelling
partially
To begin
with, there are some benefits to banned
gadgets in Wrong verb form
banning
the
public places. First of all, when it comes to any electronic Correct article usage
apply
divices
Correct your spelling
devices
then
this
means long screen hours could led
to eye problems. Change the verb form
lead
be led
Not to mention
, sedentary lifestyles if failed to manage
Wrong verb form
be managed
its
wisely Correct pronoun usage
apply
such
as obesity and heart disease that
can be seen Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
the younger generations. Change preposition
in
Next,
a
habit of using mobile Correct article usage
the
phones
continuously can lead to addiction.For instance
, studies show average ages from five to ten year old
children are paying more attention Add a hyphen
ten-year-old
on
their Smartphones compared to physical interaction with the outside world Change preposition
to
while
in the public community. Thus
, leading to social isolation. Lastly
, a place like library
Change the article
a library
is often use
as a place to study which can cause public disturbances if the electronic tools Change the verb form
is often used
are allow
to Change the verb form
are allowed
are allowing
use
as we please without putting a silent mode.
Wrong verb form
be used
In contrast
, it is crucial parts in the matter of emergency situations which are involving life or death to a person. For example
, during emergency cases, mobile phones
are the important tools to look for helps
and Change the wording
help
bits of help
informations
in order to Change the wording
information
pieces of information
safe
lives Replace the word
save
while
far away from the healthcare services. Hence
, it is not wrong to do such
because it help
others to stay alive.
In conclusion, I believe that individuals with a good consciousness regarding how to use mobile Change the verb form
helps
phones
in the
public areas will surely Correct article usage
apply
knows
how to balance both perspectives. Change the verb form
know
Therefore
, I partialy
agree with Correct your spelling
partially
this
trends
.Fix the agreement mistake
trend
Submitted by tifjong on
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task achievement
There are several language inaccuracies and typographical errors that need to be addressed. Proofreading and revising the essay to correct these will help in improving clarity and prevent unnecessary confusion.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement outlining your partial agreement with the topic and the key points you will cover. This will help readers understand your stance more clearly from the outset.
coherence cohesion
Additionally, the structure could be improved by ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This would enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced perspective, acknowledging both sides of the argument, which is a strong point in addressing the task.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion appropriately summarizes the main points and offers a reasoned stance, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
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