Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages.

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Nowadays, there are significant numbers of
museums
that charge
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors entry fees,
while
others require no payment. Whether or not
this
is beneficial to society is a moot point.
However
,
this
essay disagrees that making
people
pay
for visiting
Change preposition
to visit
show examples
museums
is more advantageous than free admission because the charges might be too pricey for some
museums
, and the world will eventually lose their interest in art and
history
. One primary disadvantage of
this
issue is the exorbitant entry charges into
museums
, especially those housing renowned
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
historical pieces. Many
people
have deep passions for
arts
and
history
, but not everyone can afford museum tickets.
For example
, a recent study indicates that admission prices at
museums
worldwide have increased significantly over the past decade. Eventually, the number of museum visitors will decrease and the supposedly burgeoning interest in
arts
and
history
will fade away. When society has less enthusiasm for visiting
museums
,
arts
and
history
will be forgotten by the new generation
due to
lack of exposure. Youngsters may find it monotonous and futile, leading to detrimental consequences in the future.
For instance
, one day,
people
may not acquire knowledge regarding Van Gogh, Picasso, or the famous Mona Lisa painting.
Consequently
, all valuable historical art pieces will vanish in time, and modern
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
may fail to replace them. In conclusion, charging
people
to visit
museums
has more drawbacks than benefits, including high fees that are not affordable to everyone, and negative effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
young
Correct word choice
younger
show examples
generations.
Thus
, we need to ensure that we conserve historical pieces forever.
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task achievement
While your essay effectively raises valid points against charging for museum entry, providing a balanced perspective by briefly mentioning advantages of charging for admission before refuting them could make your argument even stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, and transitions between ideas flow smoothly. Using a variety of linking phrases can enhance the logical structure.
task achievement
Including more varied and detailed examples could better illustrate your points. Also, try incorporating more specific details to substantiate your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences can be rephrased for clarity and precision. Make sure each sentence contributes clearly to your overall argument to avoid redundancy.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the essay prompt by providing reasons why you believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame your argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, like the study on museum admission prices, strengthens your argument and makes your essay more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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