IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Fewer young people play sports these days. Why is this? What can be done to encourage more young people to do sports?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, fewer young
people
Use synonyms
 are participating in
sports
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will name some factors that partly contribute to
this
Linking Words
 problem and suggest some feasible solutions that can help tackle the issue. There are several reasons making young
people
Use synonyms
 less interested in
sports
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, since they were still children, they have not been encouraged adequately to go out and play
sports
Use synonyms
. Their busy parents may not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to get involved in their kids’ activities and feel worried they spend more
time
Use synonyms
 playing
sports
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of studying. In fact, many parents are more concerned about academic and intellectual development than physical ones, especially in Asia.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a large number of young adults have lacked a sense of exercise since the earlier years of their lives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the lack of
time
Use synonyms
 is one of the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend. Nowadays, young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend all day working or studying so they do not have sufficient
time
Use synonyms
 to go out for
sports
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the stress from work, they are likely to be exhausted
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day.
As a result
Linking Words
, indoor means of entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as playing video games or watching television are more interesting to them as they are less physically challenging, easier and more convenient than
sports
Use synonyms
. It is essential to encourage young
people
Use synonyms
 to take part in some kinds of
sports
Use synonyms
. A feasible solution is that they should be trained to play basic
sports
Use synonyms
 from their childhood. Habits are easier to maintain than to create, making those who have been used to
sports
Use synonyms
 keep playing afterwards.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who have been taught how to badminton when they were little kids are likely to practice on a daily basis when they are grown-ups. Another method is that workplaces should have strategies to boost workers’ sportsmanship. These organizations can reduce their workforce's heavy workload and create some teambuilding games or
sports
Use synonyms
 activities to enhance their physical health. Today, in many companies, organizing
sports
Use synonyms
 competitions is a productive way to help their employees reduce stress and bond with each other. In conclusion, the youthful generation is not interested in
sports
Use synonyms
 because of their passive habits when they were kids and the heavy pressure from working or studying.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they need to be encouraged positively to join
sports
Use synonyms
 by their family
as well as
Linking Words
 their employers.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in the second body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the transitions between some points to enhance the logical flow.
task achievement
Make sure to explain how workplaces can help promote sports in more detail to strengthen your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is clear and logical, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
You have effectively identified relevant causes and solutions regarding youth participation in sports.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: