IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Every year several languages die out. Some people think this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#year #languages #people #life
In the contemporary era, the disappearance of many languages has increased rapidly.
Therefore
, the question of whether
this
 trend leads to concerning issues or makes
people
’s lives smoother has become a matter of considerable debate. From my perspective,
this
 change allows individuals to lead simpler daily lives.
Due to
 globalization, there has been a significant rise in the number of tourists and immigrants.
Therefore
, if
people
 cannot speak the local
language
, it may present social barriers and create a lack of security.
This
, in turn, makes it difficult for
people
 to blend into the community and immerse themselves in the local culture. The uniformity of
language
 not only encourages individuals to interact with local
people
 but
also
 improves global cohesion.
Moreover
, when
people
 speak the same
language
, it shields them from penalties.
For example
, not being familiar with a new
language
 may lead to using incorrect words, causing misunderstandings and putting individuals at risk of penalties.
Additionally
, those who cannot speak the local
language
 may face numerous potential problems,
such
 as treatment delays and procedural postponements, both of which influence their daily lives.
Therefore
, the reduction of
language
 differences undoubtedly addresses these disadvantages effectively.
However
, it is undeniable that the disappearance of languages may cause certain issues; the prime example is the decrease in cultural diversity.
Nevertheless
, the decline in diversity does not cause instant adverse effects;
in other words
, speaking the same
language
 immediately provides
people
 with more benefits and paves the way for a smoother life. In conclusion,
while
 the disappearance of a wide range of languages brings about some adverse impacts, the most important aspect is that it gives
people
 a chance to create local relationships and avoid many hurdles, all of which are crucial components for a successful recipe for an easier life.
Submitted by zora840810 on

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task achievement
You provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task. However, further elaboration on certain points and more specific examples could enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph thoroughly supports your main points.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the topic and your perspective, setting a solid foundation for the essay.
supported main points
You have effectively supported your main points with logical reasoning. This enhances the cohesion of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Linguistic diversity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Endangered languages
  • Homogenization
  • Multilingualism
  • Language preservation
  • Cognitive benefits
  • Global communication
  • Intellectual diversity
  • Ecological knowledge
  • Cultural traditions
  • Communication barriers
  • Preservation efforts
  • Technological solutions
  • Language revival
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