IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think it is acceptable to use the animals in any way for benfits of human beings, while others think it is not justifiable. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#people #animals #benfits #beings
Do you think that
animal's
Correct article usage
an animal's
show examples
life
 is important ?Some
people
 think it is acceptable to use
animals
 in any way for
Correct your spelling
benefit
benefits
Correct article usage
the benfit
show examples
benfit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 of human beings,
while
 others think it is not . In
this
 essay, I will discuss both of the point
view
Change preposition
of view
show examples
.
Firstly
, everything on the planet has a right to
life
 even the
animals
.
Secondly
, there are some
people
see
Correct pronoun usage
who see
show examples
 that the
animals
's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not important and we can do whatever we want with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Although
, it is not.
Thirdly
, there are some
people
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
show examples
animals
 for stupid reasons.
Such
 as they use their heads on decorations, their hair on rugs, and their skin on bags.
That is
 not a good thing at all.
On the other hand
, there are some
people
 against that bad behaviour.
Also
, they see it as a really bad thing. Because every soul on Earth deserves to live.
Also
, these bad behaviours lead us to feel regret.
Finally
, the animal's
life
 is important for the earth and we should be aware of that thing. In my opinion, we should save the animal's
life
 before it gets extinction.
Submitted by aa.alshallal7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your ideas more thoroughly to provide a clear and comprehensive response. For example, when mentioning that animals have a right to life, provide more depth and examples to elaborate on that point.
coherence cohesion
Include more structured paragraphs and logical transitions between ideas to enhance the logical structure of the essay. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarizes the writer's opinion, reinforcing the primary argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: