IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?

#competitiveness #quality #people #societies #affect #individuals #trend
Many people consider competitiveness as one of the most precious personality among humans. I believe competitiveness can provide benefit to individuals by encouraging them
obtain
Add the particle
to obtain
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 more knowledge and overcome weakness
To begin
 with, Competitive individuals are more willing to participate in continuous education. individual having the urge to outperform their competitors and
consequently
, they will force themselves out of their comfort zone and may be able to attain unbelievable results. Their characteristics motivate them to master the latest technology and obtain new abilities.
As a result
, they can remain a frontrunner in their business.
For instance
, Elon Musk one of the most successful
businessman
Change to a plural noun
businessmen
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on
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in
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electronic
Correct article usage
the electronic
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 vehicle industry has stated
he
Correct pronoun usage
his
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 secret on
sucess
Correct your spelling
success
 is heavily
invest
Wrong verb form
investing
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on
Change preposition
in
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 adapting
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 innovations in his enterprise.
Furthermore
, Person who
are
Change the verb form
is
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 competitive will spend more time on
overcome
Change the verb form
overcoming
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 their weakness. people with
this
 character will constantly evaluate their ability with others. They will be more easily aware of the ability they lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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and find a solution to improve themselves.
For example
, the players participating in competitive sports
such
 as basketball and tennis will analyse each match they play and compare their performance
such
 as strength and endurance with other competitors. It allows them to understand their weaknesses and more direction training to become a
all round
Correct your spelling
all-around
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 player in the field. In conclusion, competitiveness does make a positive impact continuously, whether on individuals or communities.
Thus
, I would like to reassert that it is a good quality and should be conserved in modern society
Submitted by andy1031227 on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay. A better structured introduction can improve the reader's comprehension.
task achievement
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
More varied and complex sentence structures can help in demonstrating a higher level of language proficiency.
task achievement
The essay adequately responds to the task by discussing both how competitiveness affects individuals and whether it is a positive or negative trend.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, such as the mention of Elon Musk and competitive sports, to support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear conclusion which reiterates the main viewpoint of the essay, providing closure to the discussion.
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