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Band 4

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject that they are bet or that they find the most interesting. Discuss both these views and give your own opinio

#people #teenagers #school #subjects #focus #bet #opinio
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of people think that students should focus on all school lessons,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
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 some others consider that teenagers are
beetr
Correct your spelling
better
to concentrate
Change preposition
off concentrating
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 on the
subject
 that they are
finer
Correct word choice
familiar
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 with or they figure the most absorbing. I personally agree with
latter
Add an article
the latter
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 group
however
, the reasons for both groups will discussed below.
To begin
 with, if a student focuses only on
one
subject
 he/she can obviously have a more fruitful achievement in that lesson .It means the individual can dominate and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 control
on
Change preposition
over
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 that
subject
.
For example
, if the person has French and English
exam
Fix the agreement mistake
exams
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 and only wants to practise the former, she/he can't manage both of them so it is better to put all focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
one
subject
 to get a better and higher score.
Furthermore
,
although
Correct word choice
apply
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if someone wants to only study
one
subject
 in future, she/he is going to have problems. It means that the pupil can not be prepared for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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university and the experience can not be enough for lots of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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jobs. As a case in point, lots of jobs, like architecture,
needs
Change the verb form
need
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 physics, art, and maths.
Therefore
, by studying only
one
subject
 he/she is able to continue the
subject
 in university. In conclusion, despite the fact that there is a reason for both, I think that studying only
one
subject
 can give a better result.
However
,it depends on the job that the student would like to choose.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Ensure to elaborate further on each point to make your argument stronger and more compelling. For instance, expand on why focusing on all subjects is beneficial or detrimental.
task achievement
Try to avoid common errors such as confusing 'majority' with 'some’, and ensure that the essay is free from typos. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words more effectively to show a clearer relationship between ideas. This will ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs and enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion, which is essential in a discussion essay. Well done!
coherence cohesion
The essay is structured logically with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You have used examples to support your points, which helps in developing your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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