IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

At present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the drawbacks?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, a significant increase in the number of young adults can be seen in many countries the world over
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the number of older people is relatively low.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.
demographic
Add an article
the demographic

The noun phrase demographic situation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 situation has both pros and cons. I,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, firmly believe benefits outweigh drawbacks. There are multifarious advantages of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, one can go on to the list, few of them are discussed below.
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is indeed a fact that a large population of young people has potential for economic growth as youths are thought to be more productive, creative and innovative and they are more likely to start businesses that can contribute to
economic
Correct article usage
the economic

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 growth. To be specific, countries like India have a significant young population, which has contributed to the rapid economic growth in recent years.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

cohesion
To improve the introduction and conclusion structure, ensure that you summarize your main arguments at the end to provide a clear and concise conclusion.
task
While your main points are strong, providing a more comprehensive analysis and balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages can improve task response.
coherence
Correct minor grammatical errors and work on sentence variety to enhance readability.
task
Your essay presents a convincing perspective about the advantages of having a younger population.
task
You used an appropriate example of India's young population contributing to economic growth, which strengthens your argument.
coherence
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: