IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

At present time, the population of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the drawbacks?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Presently, a significant increase in the number of young adults can be seen in many countries the world over
while
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 the number of older people is relatively low.
This
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demographic
Add an article
the demographic
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 situation has both pros and cons. I,
however
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, firmly believe benefits outweigh drawbacks. There are multifarious advantages of
this
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, one can go on to the list, few of them are discussed below.
Firstly
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, it is indeed a fact that a large population of young people has potential for economic growth as youths are thought to be more productive, creative and innovative and they are more likely to start businesses that can contribute to
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
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 growth. To be specific, countries like India have a significant young population, which has contributed to the rapid economic growth in recent years.
Submitted by karthikreddy99889 on

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cohesion
To improve the introduction and conclusion structure, ensure that you summarize your main arguments at the end to provide a clear and concise conclusion.
task
While your main points are strong, providing a more comprehensive analysis and balancing the discussion of advantages and disadvantages can improve task response.
coherence
Correct minor grammatical errors and work on sentence variety to enhance readability.
task
Your essay presents a convincing perspective about the advantages of having a younger population.
task
You used an appropriate example of India's young population contributing to economic growth, which strengthens your argument.
coherence
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
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