IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some employers think that it is important to provide their employees with physical fitness facilities such as gym memberships, while others consider it a waste of resources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is argued between employers whether providing
employees
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 with
perks
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such
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 as fitness facilities is essential or it is just simply a waste of company resources.
However
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, I side with the opinion that providing
employees
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 with additional
perks
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 is instrumental, but today, I will be discussing both of these arguments in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, one of the reasons that the employers think that providing
employees
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 with these kinds of benefits is a waste of resources is
due to
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 the fact that it will not keep them entirely focused on their assignments and will keep them distracted and cause them to procrastinate.
Furthermore
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, what caused them to come to
this
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 conclusion is their worry that if things go wrong and their resources are depleted, and they strip their
employees
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 of their benefits, it would result in
employees
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 leaving in search of better job opportunities.
On the other hand
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, some employers like to think that providing these
perks
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 could be an incentive for the workers to
work
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 more and
then
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 give them more time to relax
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 that they come to
work
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 the next day feeling refreshed.
Moreover
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, they
also
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 see that providing them with these benefits would create a good, friendly, and cooperative
work
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 environment and build good relationships between the
employees
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 and the higher-ups, which in turn would cause them to stay at their companies for years to come.
In addition
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 to all these previous points, providing these incentives could bring even more revenue to their companies so that they can invest in other industries, or they can invest more in their subordinates by providing them with a higher wage increase and a huge signing bonus. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that providing these
perks
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 is very crucial, as it creates a greater and more friendly
work
Use synonyms
 environment, and it can help increase the revenue of their companies.

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structure
Plan the essay better. Start with a simple idea: discuss both views, then give your view. End with a short clear conclusion.
content
Give one example for each side. Real and simple ideas can help you show your point.
grammar
Use short sentences. Avoid very long sentences. This helps you not to make mistakes.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas, like first, also, but, however, so. Keep them simple.
language
Check grammar and word choice. Some phrases are unclear. Use plain words.
strength
You state your view clearly in the essay.
strength
You show both sides of the issue.
structure
There are paragraphs that separate ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • employers
  • employees
  • physical fitness
  • facilities
  • gym memberships
  • important
  • waste
  • resources
  • productive
  • boost
  • energy
  • levels
  • focus
  • creativity
  • performance
  • reduce
  • sick days
  • ill
  • money
  • long run
  • foster
  • teamwork
  • morale
  • bonds
  • collaboration
  • waste of money
  • manage
  • health
  • hours
  • spending
  • equipment
  • resources
  • goals
  • interested
  • work-life balance
  • support
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