Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
These days,
advertisement
sector plays a crucial in modern
marketing, especially they imprisoned Correct article usage
the advertisement
to
toddlers tremendously some believe that Change preposition
apply
adventisment
Correct your spelling
advertisement
is
a negative Verb problem
has
impacts
Change the noun form
impact
to
Change preposition
on
child
and it should be banned. I totally agree with Fix the agreement mistake
children
this
statement for the following reasons.
To commence with, advertisment's
on customer is Correct your spelling
advertisements
children
because they are under age
, so they can easily attract anything which impresses them. Correct your spelling
underage
That is
, children
have stubborn chracters
, and the Correct your spelling
characters
advertisment
company Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertising
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
infant's
Change preposition
on infant's
stubburn
, Correct your spelling
stubborn
that
leads to Correct pronoun usage
which
constantly
buying, even Change the word
constant
that
product has more life spam. Correct word choice
if that
For example
, many toys company
Fix the agreement mistake
toy companies
made
colourful Wrong verb form
make
Ads
which attracts
kids, but these are broken In Correct subject-verb agreement
attract
short
term, even though, Add an article
the short
children
buy constantly where their toys broken
. Add a missing verb
are broken
Hence
, this
detrimental situation brings infants buying
constantly, Change the verb form
to buy
thus
, money is waste
when they buy.
Wrong verb form
wasted
Furthamore
, toddlers Correct your spelling
Furthermore
affect
Wrong verb form
are affected
detrimentaly
when they watch adverts, so Correct your spelling
detrimentally
detrimental
it
should be banned. Correct pronoun usage
they
This
is, parents
should check their loved Rephrase
why parents
one's
what watch on TV and Change noun form
ones
phone
; they off the channels Fix the agreement mistake
phones
what
Correct word choice
that
shows
toxic Correct subject-verb agreement
show
Ads
. For instance
, it always stimulates toddlers to buy and eat junk foods frequently by watching Ads
, consequently
, these junk foods leads
to more illnesses Change the verb form
lead
such
as resparatory
problems, obesity and heart Correct your spelling
respiratory
storke
, Needless to say, the authority should adverse Correct your spelling
stroke
Ads
be banned, and it helps to toddler's development in their lives.
In conclusion, advertisments
lead to Correct your spelling
advertisements
children buy
frequently Wrong verb form
buying
coupled with
encourage
their stubborn characters, Wrong verb form
encouraging
as well as
it enhances
to eat unhealthy meals, so Verb problem
encouraging people
Ads
should be banned, and
Correct word choice
as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
brings
more adverse effects. Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
Therefore
, I strongly agree with
Change preposition
that
advertisement
should be prohibited because it affects negatively to Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
children
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to better link your ideas. For example, after discussing children being easily attracted to advertisements, you might use transitions like "Furthermore" or "In addition" to smoothly introduce the next point about the effects on their health.
task achievement
Work on producing more polished and grammatically correct sentences. This can be achieved by revising your essay and checking for errors, such as mixing up tenses and subject-verb agreement issues.
task achievement
You effectively stated your position on the topic and provided clear points to support your stance, showing a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your essay included an introduction and a conclusion, which are both essential parts of a well-structured essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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