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Writing Samples
Band 7

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. (20 mins.)
#two #show #sales #sectors #canada #summaries #information #features #comparisons #mins
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The provided pie charts illustrate the percentage of sales in the online shop for retail parts in
Canada
Use synonyms
 over a
five year
Add a hyphen
five-year
show examples
 period. A glance at the graph reveals that the highest proportion of
selling
Replace the word
sales
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 was for Electronic and Appliance.
However
Linking Words
,people did not prefer to buy Home Furnishings in
Canada
Use synonyms
 over the period. In 2005,nearly a third of people (%35) tended to purchase Electronic and
Applience
Correct your spelling
Appliance
 in
Canada
Use synonyms
(which was the highest amount of sales over the period),compared to 2010
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the proportion of marketing was %30.
Moreover
Linking Words
,precisely a quarter of customers chose to buy Home Furnishings (%25),just ahead of selling Home Furnishings at 15 per cent in
Canada
Use synonyms
 in 2010.(Which was the lowest percentage of trading over the whole year). Selling Food an
d Bevera
Fix the agreement mistake
Beverages
show examples
ge in 2005 was not as successful as marketing
this
Linking Words
 retail in
Canada
Use synonyms
 in 2010 at %22 and %32,respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,the proportion of selling video games was %18 in
Canada
Use synonyms
 in 2005.Whilst,just under a quarter of retai
l sa
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
le was for video games in
Canada
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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