Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #development #sport #art #school #students #performances

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this

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era, the

budget

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for developing

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sport

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sports

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and

art

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fields

are

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raised by the

government

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On the other hand

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, the performance of professional

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sport

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sports

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and

art

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are needed to

increase

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for the general public in the

country

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. I totally disagree if the

government

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focuses on

students

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in the

school

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because not necessarily the

students

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school

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love

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sport

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sports

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. Another reason,

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is the

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the

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that

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professional

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sport

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sports

show examples

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apply

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the general public will

increase

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income

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the income

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per capita of the

country

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Firstly

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, if

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government

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the government

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spent much money

for

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show examples

school

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student

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students

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increase

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the

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their

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skill

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skills

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sport

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sports

show examples

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art

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arts

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apply

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the fact that Several

students

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do not really like to study both of the categories, so it will consume the

budget

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for

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something

that is

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not really vital for the

country

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For example

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, the student in university of Queensland very love to

rise

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improve

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the

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their

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academic performance

such

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learn

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learning

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about math, and most of them

not

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are not

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interest

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interested

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with

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art

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and

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sport

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sports

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, so the impact

that

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apply

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budget

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had

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apply

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needed for

development

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the development

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country

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the country

a country

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Verb problem

has

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run out.

Secondly

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, professional

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sport

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sports

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and

art

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very

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are very

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important to maintain than focus to

increase

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sport

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sports

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for

school

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students

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because the professionals have

basic

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the basic

a basic

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skill

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skills

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, and so many competitions can be followed by the general public because it will

increase

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the

income

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for the

country

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. Not only about the

income

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apply

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but

also

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the

country

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will be known by people in the world if the citizens have skills and win the competitions. In conclusion, I

am disagree

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disagree

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that

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government

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the government

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spend much money

for

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school

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student

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students

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increase

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the

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sport

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sports

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and

art

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quality because several

students

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dislike

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sport

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sports

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and

art

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The

Wrong verb form

Lastly

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last

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, the

budget

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for professional

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sport

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sports

show examples

and

art

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really imperative to

increase

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the

income

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per capita of the

country

Use synonyms

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sun Jul 14 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language

Ensure to proofread your essay to minimize grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. A more polished language use will make your arguments clearer.

development

Expand on your points with more specific examples and elaboration. For instance, explain how professional sports can directly contribute to the economy or provide detailed scenarios where investment in school sports can be beneficial or not.

cohesion

Improve the cohesion of your essay by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.

introduction

Your introduction is somewhat clear, but the thesis statement could be stronger. Consider revising it to more clearly state your position and what you will discuss in the essay.

paragraph structure

Work on the structure of your paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea, supported by examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and easy to follow.

task response

Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear position.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, providing a sense of completeness to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
9
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
45
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

283 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Foster a sense of creativity and teamwork
Well-rounded individuals
Discovery of young talent
Nurtured to achieve greater success
Social or economic background
Access to quality education
Healthier lifestyle
Obesity and mental health problems
National pride and cultural appreciation
Showcasing the country’s talent
Generate revenue
Tourism and media coverage
Societal well-being

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Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

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