Government should spend money to increase the development of sport and art for school students rather than supporting professional sport and art performances for general public. Do you agree or disagree?
In
this
era, the budget
for developing sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
art
fields are
raised by the Correct subject-verb agreement
is
government
. On the other hand
, the performance of professional sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
art
are needed to increase
for the general public in the country
. I totally disagree if the government
focuses on students
in the school
because not necessarily the students
in school
love sport
. Another reason, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
Add a missing verb
is the
the
professional Correct determiner usage
that
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
in
the general public will Change preposition
apply
increase
income
per capita of the Correct article usage
the income
country
.
Firstly
, if government
spent much money Add an article
the government
for
Change preposition
on
school
student
to Fix the agreement mistake
students
increase
the
Change the word
their
skill
in Fix the agreement mistake
skills
sport
or Fix the agreement mistake
sports
art
, Fix the agreement mistake
arts
in
the fact that
Several Change preposition
apply
students
do not really like to study both of the categories, so it will consume the budget
to
something Change preposition
for
that is
not really vital for the country
.For example
, the student in university of Queensland very love to rise
Verb problem
improve
the
academic performance Change the word
their
such
as learn
about math, and most of them Wrong verb form
learning
not
Add a missing verb
are not
interest
Replace the word
interested
with
Change preposition
in
art
and sport
, so the impact Fix the agreement mistake
sports
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
budget
had
needed for Unnecessary verb
apply
development
of Add an article
the development
country
Add an article
the country
a country
is
run out.
Verb problem
has
Secondly
, professional sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
art
very
important to maintain than focus to Add a missing verb
are very
increase
sport
for Fix the agreement mistake
sports
school
students
because the professionals have basic
Add an article
the basic
a basic
skill
, and so many competitions can be followed by the general public because it will Fix the agreement mistake
skills
increase
the income
for the country
. Not only about the income
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
the country
will be known by people in the world if the citizens have skills and win the competitions.
In conclusion, I am disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
if
Correct word choice
that
government
spend much money Correct article usage
the government
for
Change preposition
on
school
student
to Fix the agreement mistake
students
increase
the sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
art
quality because several students
dislike sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
art
.The
Wrong verb form
Lastly
last
, the budget
for professional sport
and Fix the agreement mistake
sports
art
really imperative to increase
the income
per capita of the country
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
language
Ensure to proofread your essay to minimize grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures. A more polished language use will make your arguments clearer.
development
Expand on your points with more specific examples and elaboration. For instance, explain how professional sports can directly contribute to the economy or provide detailed scenarios where investment in school sports can be beneficial or not.
cohesion
Improve the cohesion of your essay by using a variety of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
introduction
Your introduction is somewhat clear, but the thesis statement could be stronger. Consider revising it to more clearly state your position and what you will discuss in the essay.
paragraph structure
Work on the structure of your paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea, supported by examples and explanations. This will make your argument more persuasive and easy to follow.
task response
Your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear position.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are present and relevant, providing a sense of completeness to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.