IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In recent times, an increasing number of individuals have migrated to distant places, away from their friends and family, for employment. I firmly agree that the advantages of
this
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 outweigh its disadvantages, as individuals can find better opportunities and monetary gain. In most nations, residents are qualified and skilled for certain jobs;
however
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,
due to
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 a significant gap between job seekers and available positions, many people remain unemployed.
This
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 forces individuals to leave for distant places for employment far from their loved ones;
nonetheless
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, with advancements in technology, living at long distances has become insignificant, as through social media platforms, each person remains connected to their loved ones.
Hence
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, working at a long distance helps foster courage and responsibility, essential for survival and communication.
Moreover
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, wages are mostly higher than in their place of origin, allowing them a better lifestyle. In Canada, most migrants are from Punjab, and there are almost no vacancies.
Furthermore
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, available openings have insufficient wages to support a decent lifestyle. In Canada, these migrants have earned more than they ever could have in the place of their origin, and
this
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 has enabled them to have the freedom to purchase varied foods, wear decent clothes and even organise tours to tourist destinations. In conclusion,
while
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 relocating away from loved ones for employment may bring emotional challenges, the benefits it offers in terms of financial stability and personal growth are far more significant. A person not only gains access to better job opportunities and improved wages, but
also
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 learns to adapt, become independent, and embrace new experiences. With the help of modern technology, staying emotionally connected with relatives has become easier than ever before.
Therefore
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, despite certain drawbacks, the
overall
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 advantages of migrating for work strongly outweigh the disadvantages.

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introduction
The introduction effectively presents the topic and a clear opinion. Consider starting with a broader statement about the trend of migration to create a stronger hook.
coherence
The essay is structured logically, with clear paragraphs addressing distinct points. However, ensure that each paragraph contains a topic sentence to encapsulate the main idea for clarity.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that enhance your arguments. To strengthen the essay, you could include more specific statistics or studies to support claims about job markets and wages.
strength
You have presented a clear opinion throughout the essay, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
strength
The use of examples, such as the migration from Punjab to Canada, showcases real-world applications of your arguments and supports your points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
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