Some people think that living ịn big cities is bad for people's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that living in megacities brings negative impacts on citizens’ physical
health
. I do not regard myself as an advocate of this
idea.
In recent years, the issue of the city environment's impact on people's health
has gained significant attention. There is a justifiable reason to note that settling in metropolitan areas is beneficial to people’s health
owing to the capacity, approach and conveniences of the capital's medical system in this
day and age. The explanation for this
is that hospitals
in metropolises are equipped with modern amenities, top-notch machines and numerous rooms to serve patients. In addition
, they are located all over the city and residential areas, which are easier and save time for people to access whenever they need. In the countryside, conversely
, there are few hospitals
which are not renovated, armed with run-down facilities, rudimentary tools and have a small capacity. Therefore
, settlers usually have to travel a long way to get there. As a consequence
, if people are in emergency cases, their lives can’t be saved properly since it is hard and takes lots of time to get to the hospital promptly. For instance
, Bach Mai Hospital can be cited as one of the leading hospitals
in Hanoi where thousands of patients are treated with high-quality health
services every day.
In conclusion, living in big cities acts as a precursor for residents to take care of their health
as metropolitan hospitals
can hold considerable patients with advanced infrastructures and can be approachable easily.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument to enhance the task achievement score further.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding more paragraphs to separate different ideas and improve the overall logical structure and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
More varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures could help to increase the overall fluency and coherence of the essay.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed the task question and provided a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with clear paragraphing and a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You have provided relevant and specific examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite