IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think universities should provide knowledge and skills related to a future career; others believe the proper function of the university is to give access to knowledge for its own sake. What is your opinion of the primary part of the university?

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Tertiary education is expected to give
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 related to
future
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Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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by
Change preposition
to
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 others
while
Linking Words
 some believe that they should impact
knowledge
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 for its own
sake
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
 they should train and provide information
that is
Linking Words
 related to
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future
Add an article
a future
show examples
career
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. More details will be alluded
in
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to in
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 the essay below.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
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university
Correct article usage
a university
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 education is the
last
Linking Words
 step before one starts working so the
need
Correct article usage
a need
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 to provide
skills
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 that
helps
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help
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 in one's
career
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. The reason why people go to
universities
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 is to be trained to be good at what they will be
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 in the
future
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 so the need to train professionals in different fields. More importantly, the
university
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programs
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 are given specific names in order to attract people interested in that field so it was designed to provide specific
career
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knowledge
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. Other
universities
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offers
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offer
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 science
programs
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 only
while
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 others are just business
universities
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 so they are sorely designed to give a guideline to the
future
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career
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.
For
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instance
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instance,
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 Chinhoyi
University
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 of Zimbabwe offers only
science related
Add a hyphen
science-related
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programs
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 like Medicine, Engineering etc which
matches
Correct subject-verb agreement
match
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with
Change preposition
apply
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the
career
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 of a Doctor and that of an engineer. With
this
Linking Words
 kind of program naming
it is clear that
Linking Words
 they should give
knowledge
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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future
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 careers.
However
Linking Words
, a
university
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 is a
money making
Add a hyphen
money-making
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 entity as well so it can give
knowledge
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 for its own
sake
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. Advertising that they can offer certain
programs
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 that they are not capable of offering will lead them to give access to
knowledge
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 for its own
sake
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. One can
then
Linking Words
 argue that it is no justification to offer
knowledge
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 for its own
sake
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 because the main purpose of their existence is to give a guideline to the
future
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career
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 so in my opinion all
universities
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 should provide a guideline
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the careers ahead. In conclusion,
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 are taught before the actual transference of it in real life so
universities
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 save as that bridge
universities
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 are to give
skills
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that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 related to
future
Use synonyms
 careers.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure and coherence, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. Also, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction by clearly stating the main points you will discuss. This will help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific and detailed examples to support each main point. This will make your arguments more compelling and credible.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on the reasons why some people believe universities should provide knowledge for its own sake. A more balanced discussion could enhance the essay's depth.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, indicating that you believe universities should provide career-related knowledge and skills.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which helps to frame the essay and provide a sense of closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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