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Band 5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation? w

#countries #home #people #be #case #situation
Most
people
 in several countries think about possessing their accommodation,
while
 others suggest that leasing for a short time is less effective. In
this
 essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why owning is more popular than renting
one
. The main reason
apply
Wrong verb form
applying
show examples
 having your own roof over your head is the important thing in our lifestyle, which is guaranteeing being successful. The evidence for
this
 came from uncountable examples right now. The individuals who have an estate do not worry about getting a roof,
subsequently
, they have to pay attention to achieve another important thing and realise their ambition. Around the beginning of the mortgage approval, it was a common practice in Kazakhstan citizens to make an agreement to buy some apartments . After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it would be possible to realise another opportunity. Today, there are very few
people
 who want to rent rather than a buyer.
For instance
, my close friend has got
one
 flat in Almaty and is trying to get another
one
 in Shymkent.
On the other hand
,
people
 who rent estate from the owner
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not invest for their future and generation,
instead
 that they partly repay the owner’s debt,
likewise
 giving assistance to the main loaner in
this
 way makes a reason to waste money which
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 earned hard work whole week or month. Most of our inhabitants know the same situation in the big city.
For example
, in Almaty,
one
 of the biggest agglomerations in our country
has
Verb problem
there are
show examples
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 more
people
 who moonlight from each part of the country
need
Correct pronoun usage
who need
show examples
 to lease an apartment from the owner and have to pay for accommodation during all worktime.
In contrast
,
instead
 of paying for humans who possess on house or flat non-residents partly invest their income in future own estate or their children. To summarize, all situation depends on each case. If the workable human has a job out of the city and there
apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
applies
show examples
 all the comfortable conditions for life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and infrastructure for the family, it is not necessary to live in the city and apply to rent a flat, they have to buy that rather than living alone and far from children.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. This will help in maintaining a logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to make your sentences clearer and more effective.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay. This will make your conclusion more comprehensive.
task achievement
Expand on the reasons why owning a home is important to provide a well-rounded answer. Including more diverse perspectives will strengthen your task response.
task achievement
Make sure your examples are directly related to the main points being discussed. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
Avoid generalized statements and make sure your arguments are supported by specific evidence or examples.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, discussing why owning a home might be important and whether this is a positive or negative situation.
task achievement
The essay includes real-life examples to support main points, helping to ground your arguments in reality.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a sense of completeness.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, making it relatively easy to follow the writer's train of thought.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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