task2 some people think that homescooling it best for childrens devolopment whlie others belive thatgoing to school is important

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Some people believe that
homesccoling
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homeschooling
is better for
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children's
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
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development
while
Linking Words
others think going to school is necessary,
i
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I
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think that going to school is very important for the
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children
childrens
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children
On the one
hand
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hand,
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homeschooling have many
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benefits
benfts
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benefits
,the
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child
chaild
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child
will have more freedom and
flexbilty
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flexibility
.
while
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in school have more roles and less
flexbilty
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flexibility
but the
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child
chaild
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child
will have
strong
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a strong
show examples
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personality
persanlity
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personality
and social .on
the
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apply
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homeschool the
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children
childrens
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children
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will
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sound
surround
around
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be sround
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sround
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around with
whith
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with
which
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small
Correct article usage
a smail
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smail
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small
circle they will by lees care
Submitted by saraalsabaiti42 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on a clearer structure. Please use introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame your argument. Employ paragraphs to separate different points of discussion to make the essay more organized and easier to follow.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the prompt. Develop your points with more clear, comprehensive ideas and examples. This includes explaining why you believe going to school is important for children's development and including specific supporting arguments for why homeschooling might be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
You have an interesting perspective and have introduced multiple viewpoints in your essay, which is a good starting point for deepening your discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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