in some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
It is argued by many
people
that having house
is Add an article
a house
important
part of their life Add an article
an important
especially
for the Add the comma(s)
, especially
people
of Indonesia since it will be the higher achievement of their entire life. However
, others argue that rent
a Wrong verb form
renting
house
is preferrable
since the price of Correct your spelling
preferable
resident
is unaffordable.
In some Fix the agreement mistake
residents
etnicity
, having Correct your spelling
ethnicity
traditional
Add an article
a traditional
the traditional
house
in Indonesia serve
not only as a place to stay but Correct subject-verb agreement
serves
also
a
symbol of status in society. Change preposition
as a
For instance
, leader of Javanese etnicity
often Correct your spelling
ethnicity
build
their Change the verb form
builds
house
using a special wood called "jati" which take
many years to grow. Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
Therefore
, whis
wood Correct your spelling
it
only
Add a missing verb
is only
being
afforded by certain Unnecessary verb
apply
people
such
as etnicity
Correct your spelling
ethnicity
leader
.
Given the cost of buying a property could reach a lifetime mortgage, renting a Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
house
could be a viable option for some people
that
at least need a place to stay. Correct word choice
who
This
could be true especially
for some Add the comma(s)
, especially
people
who live in big
Add an article
a big
the big
city
where the availability of land that limited.
In conclusion, Fix the agreement mistake
cities
although
owning a house
is everybody's dream, however
, for some people
they
might not have the financial ability to afford it. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Thus
, the rental option could solve this
problem. So everybody can have a place to live.Submitted by nourmarasyidah on
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task achievement
You have provided a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. The task response is generally complete, but there's room for more detailed discussion. Try to expand on each point and provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
There are some coherence and cohesion issues. The ideas are logically structured, but transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother. For example, the use of cohesive devices like 'therefore' and 'however' can be improved for better flow. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph fully develops one main idea with clear supporting details.
task achievement
You have effectively identified two major perspectives on the topic: owning a home and renting one.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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