During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants remind him when and where you met tell him what kind of job you are interested in say why you think you would be suitable for the job

#plane #journey #businessman #chain #restaurants #contact #job

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Dear Mr. Robson, I am writing

this

letter in regard to

secure

Wrong verb form

securing

show examples

a Chef position at one of your restaurants. Myself Heena Parmar, I met you in a fight on 1st September 2024. I sat next to you at the side of the window and I was telling you about my hotel management course that I was going to study in Canada. You gave me your business card to apply for a job position at your restaurant. I have been looking for a

part time

Add a hyphen

part-time

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job as a chef. I think that working in an environment where I can acquire knowledge about my program,

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

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would be best for me.

This

experience will help me in my future to get a job as a manager. I am the best person to fit

this

position because I have three years of experience working as a chef

from

Change preposition

show examples

my home country. On top of that, I am studying a course which is related to

this

field. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Heena Parmar

Submitted by parmarheena277254 on Tue Sep 03 2024

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task achievement

The introduction could be a bit more polished. Consider rephrasing the line 'Myself Heena Parmar...' to 'My name is Heena Parmar, and we met on...'.

task achievement

Try to provide a bit more detail about your skills and how they relate to the job you're interested in. This will strengthen your suitability for the job.

coherence cohesion

While the letter is clear and follows a logical sequence, improving transitional phrases between paragraphs can create even better coherence.

coherence cohesion

Your greeting and closing are very professional and courteous, which adds to the overall tone of your letter.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph contains a single idea, making your thoughts easy to follow.

task achievement

Your response is complete and provides the necessary information in a concise manner.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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1
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

8 paragraphs

176 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

chain of restaurants
potential job opportunity
relevant experience
managerial role
customer service
qualifications
certifications
unique skills
eagerness
admiration
resume
references
face-to-face meeting

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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Some school children buy healthy food from the school cafeteria. However, some buy unhealthy food. What are the reasons for both these situations? Should schools be allowed to sell unhealthy food?