Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in childern. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side an give your opinion
I strongly
agreed
with Wrong verb form
agree
second
Correct article usage
the second
options
. Fix the agreement mistake
option
Actually
it is really apparently Add a comma
Actually,
question
. But, I would Correct article usage
a question
l
like Verb problem
apply
try
to explain for my personal view. We are living in Fix the infinitive
to try
high-devolvment
, modern society era. Correct article usage
a high-devolvment
This
time is very different from hundred
years ago, when closed Correct article usage
a hundred
global
. Now everything is Change the word
globally
openly
, can Replace the adverb
open
found
Wrong verb form
find
information
Correct article usage
the information
what
you wish from everywhere. Correct word choice
that
Therefore
the issues discuss
about obesity in children could be only Wrong verb form
discussed
while
niche themselves relationship.
The government isn't
any wrong for that personal responsible
. Replace the word
responsibility
The obesity
Correct article usage
Obesity
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
depends
private lifestyle, undernutrition, Add the preposition
depends on
Correct word choice
and deficience
deficience
Correct your spelling
deficiency
of
movement. They are all created from Change preposition
in
a family manners
, even so demanding heritage, a personal behaviour. So, let me extract some Correct the article-noun agreement
family manners
a family manner
criteries
why some people have Correct your spelling
criteria
criterion
expectation
from others, for Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
their
compfortable
life. Correct your spelling
comfortable
It apparently
, their attitude never changed.
If somebody couldn'Correct pronoun usage
Apparently
t
controll
Correct your spelling
control
eat
for himself, he would Wrong verb form
eating
want
take Add the particle
want to
a
money, Remove the article
apply
others
from Correct word choice
and others
government
. Especially, some parents don'Add an article
the government
t
understand Correct pronoun usage
their right
right
and duty themselves. They have to raise healthy Fix the agreement mistake
rights
their
children, they don'Correct pronoun usage
apply
t
Add a missing verb
have expectation
expectation
from others.
People have to consider Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
to organise
work and Change the verb form
organising
life
balance,Correct your spelling
work-life
likewise
they should improve their education food nutrition and physical. Add a comma
likewise,
also
they need a lot of tolerance
Government's duty is Add a comma
also,
regulate
Change the verb form
to regulate
regulating
for
Change preposition
apply
peoples
social Change noun form
people's
relationship
, Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
for
instance
school, children's Add the comma(s)
instance,
area
. And sets influence for Fix the agreement mistake
areas
a
right information to parents.
I Correct article usage
the
am
Unnecessary verb
apply
appolgise
, for my personal aspect of Correct your spelling
apologise
extremly
liberalist.Correct your spelling
extremely
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer and more structured introduction and conclusion. Ensure that you introduce the topic and state your opinion in the introduction. Sum up your main points and reaffirm your position in the conclusion.
task achievement
Develop each main point more fully with clear, specific examples. Use evidence or anecdotes to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct and easy to understand. Simplify your sentences where necessary and avoid overly complex structures.
task achievement
Your essay should address both sides of the argument more thoroughly before stating your own opinion. This ensures a balanced discussion and a complete response to the task.
task achievement
Your personal view is clearly stated, and your passion and position on the topic are evident throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You make an effort to discuss the topic from a broader societal perspective, reflecting some understanding of the relationship between individual behavior and broader societal influences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.