Some people feel that entertainment (eg film stars, pop musicians and story stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of Jobs should be highly paid.

In
this
Contomporary
Correct your spelling
Contemporary
era, the entertainment sector
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
a crucial role in
people
's
loves
Fix the agreement mistake
love
show examples
. A certain number of
people
are considered that
entertainers
such
as actors, pop musicians, and story
starts
Correct your spelling
stars
show examples
are paid more
money
. I strongly disagree with
this
statement because
professionals
like
teachers
, and doctors should be highly paid.
This
essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with,
entertainers
are not paid more
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
because they just entertain
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population rather than anything else.
That is
, there are plenty of ways
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
mankind
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
entertain
Wrong verb form
entertained
show examples
besides
Replace the word
beside
show examples
them, so they are not
highty
Correct your spelling
highly
paid; they do just their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
similarly
Add a comma
similarly,
show examples
everyone does why they only receive more earnings, and they are the
millionaries
Correct your spelling
millionaires
, but
people
still be underprivileged.
For example
, one of the famous Bollywood
super stars
Correct your spelling
superstars
show examples
Mr Sharu Khan earns more
money
in one
flim
Correct your spelling
film
, even 15 million Indian rupees; the question is why so much hype
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
these stars and
entertainers
.
Hence
,
entertainers
should not receive enormous
money
as their salaries.
Conversely
, there are other jobs
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
be paid highly, namely
teachers
and medical
practioners
Correct your spelling
practitioners
because they are
professionals
, they serve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
country
as well as
humans.
This
is,
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both
people
's jobs should be recognised properly and they deserve to be highly paid than
entertainers
.
For instance
, doctors save mankind's health and soul,
likewise
,
teachers
improve
student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
knowledge, indeed these two
professionals
are served
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nation's progress
that
Change preposition
by
show examples
reducing to help
illutrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
coupled with
illness ratio. Needless to say,
professionals
should
be received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
more
money
as earnings than just
entertainers
. In conclusion,
flim
Correct your spelling
film
stars earn more
money
than any other sector's employees, so they do not get more salary because they just entertain
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population, but
professionals
can
be served
Wrong verb form
serve
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
to improve the country's status.
Therefore
, I completely disagree that
entertainers
should not be paid highly
instead
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doctors and
teachers
should be deserved to get more earnings.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out your position on the matter, and that each of your body paragraphs supports this position clearly and logically.
task achievement
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task achievement
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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clear throughout the essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disproportionately lucrative
  • market dynamics
  • societal value
  • career span
  • risk factor
  • celebrity culture
  • social media influence
  • compensation equity
  • revenue streams
  • advertising revenue
  • global audience
  • economic disparity
  • fair remuneration
  • public service roles
  • social contribution
  • livelihood sustainability
  • public sector salaries
  • financial recognition
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