IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that entertainment (eg film stars, pop musicians and story stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of Jobs should be highly paid.

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In
this
Linking Words
Contomporary
Correct your spelling
Contemporary
 era, the entertainment sector
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in
people
Use synonyms
's
loves
Fix the agreement mistake
love
show examples
. A certain number of
people
Use synonyms
 are considered that
entertainers
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as actors, pop musicians, and story
starts
Correct your spelling
stars
show examples
 are paid more
money
Use synonyms
. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
professionals
Use synonyms
 like
teachers
Use synonyms
, and doctors should be highly paid.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses it briefly for the following reasons. To commence with,
entertainers
Use synonyms
 are not paid more
incomes
Fix the agreement mistake
income
show examples
 because they just entertain
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population rather than anything else.
That is
Linking Words
, there are plenty of ways
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
 mankind
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
entertain
Wrong verb form
entertained
show examples
Linking Words
besides
Replace the word
beside
show examples
 them, so they are not
highty
Correct your spelling
highly
 paid; they do just their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
Linking Words
similarly
Add a comma
similarly,
show examples
 everyone does why they only receive more earnings, and they are the
millionaries
Correct your spelling
millionaires
, but
people
Use synonyms
 still be underprivileged.
For example
Linking Words
, one of the famous Bollywood
super stars
Correct your spelling
superstars
show examples
 Mr Sharu Khan earns more
money
Use synonyms
 in one
flim
Correct your spelling
film
, even 15 million Indian rupees; the question is why so much hype
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 these stars and
entertainers
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
entertainers
Use synonyms
 should not receive enormous
money
Use synonyms
 as their salaries.
Conversely
Linking Words
, there are other jobs
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be paid highly, namely
teachers
Use synonyms
 and medical
practioners
Correct your spelling
practitioners
 because they are
professionals
Use synonyms
, they serve
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 country
as well as
Linking Words
 humans.
This
Linking Words
 is,
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
both
people
Use synonyms
's jobs should be recognised properly and they deserve to be highly paid than
entertainers
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, doctors save mankind's health and soul,
likewise
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 improve
student's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
 knowledge, indeed these two
professionals
Use synonyms
 are served
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nation's progress
that
Change preposition
by
show examples
 reducing to help
illutrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
coupled with
Linking Words
 illness ratio. Needless to say,
professionals
Use synonyms
 should
be received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 as earnings than just
entertainers
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
flim
Correct your spelling
film
 stars earn more
money
Use synonyms
 than any other sector's employees, so they do not get more salary because they just entertain
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the population, but
professionals
Use synonyms
 can
be served
Wrong verb form
serve
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
nations
Fix the agreement mistake
nation
show examples
 to improve the country's status.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I completely disagree that
entertainers
Use synonyms
 should not be paid highly
instead
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doctors and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be deserved to get more earnings.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay should be clearly divided into paragraphs with each paragraph discussing one main idea. Try to make sure that each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next. Think about using linking words to achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out your position on the matter, and that each of your body paragraphs supports this position clearly and logically.
task achievement
Try to develop your main points with more specific examples or reasons. This can help to strengthen your arguments. Expand on the examples you provide.
task achievement
There are some grammatical mistakes and misspellings that can distract the reader. Try to proofread your essay or use language tools to minimize these errors.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your position on the topic is clear throughout the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • disproportionately lucrative
  • market dynamics
  • societal value
  • career span
  • risk factor
  • celebrity culture
  • social media influence
  • compensation equity
  • revenue streams
  • advertising revenue
  • global audience
  • economic disparity
  • fair remuneration
  • public service roles
  • social contribution
  • livelihood sustainability
  • public sector salaries
  • financial recognition
What to do next:
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