Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Today, kids are using their gadgets more often than a couple of years ago. There are many reasons why

this

Linking Words

condition can occur,

such

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as modernization, policy, and so on. Modernization

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

the price of

smartphones

Use synonyms

become

Verb problem

apply

show examples

more valuable so people tend to buy those

for giving

Change preposition

to give

show examples

to their

children

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. For good reason,

this

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has let youngsters become smarter because of the presence of

smartphones

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Children

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can improve their skills individually without some help from teachers. Spending time on a mobile device is good for some kids.

Children

Use synonyms

can do everything with their

smartphones

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such

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as browse on Google, watch on YouTube, text on WhatsApp, and so on.

However

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, parents’s restrictions and roles are becoming more important to monitor what their

children

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do on their

smartphones

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In addition

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, some schools have a policy to use students’s

smartphones

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to improve their curriculum. Students can do some improvisations to reach the best score at school.

Moreover

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, they are usually thinking more creatively in order to solve some problems.

Conversely

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, there are

any

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

hidden effects that will

affect

Verb problem

prevent

show examples

kids from using

smartphones

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freely.

For instance

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, human trafficking, pornography, criminal news, and the deep and dark web have the smallest effect on the internet and

smartphones

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Besides

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those impacts, diminishing contact with each other has an impact on their psychological point of view. Sometimes,

children

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become shy when they are meeting someone new. In conclusion, I think that spending time on the smartphone for

children

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has a positive impact on their creative thinking.

This

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condition must be monitored by parents to restrict some applications or services that

smartphones

Use synonyms

give us.

irhamtaufiqurrahmanMon Jul 15 2024

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task achievement

Your essay offers relevant points on why children spend time on smartphones and discusses both positive and negative aspects. However, ensure you elaborate more and provide specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments, especially for negative effects like human trafficking or impacts on social behavior.

coherence cohesion

Your essay maintains a logical structure and has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, make sure each paragraph flows smoothly from one to the next with appropriate transitional phrases. Enhance cohesion by clearly linking your main points.

introduction conclusion present

The essay begins with a clear introduction to the topic and provides both sides of the argument, showing balanced consideration.

supported main points

You successfully identify multiple factors contributing to the use of smartphones among children, such as modernization and policies in schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Your opinion

Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say it is more important to spend money on roads and highways than on public transportation systems such as railways and buses. I agree that both systems have their advantages and disadvantages. I will discuss this topic by comparing them in the following paragraphs.

Is forcing students to study hard at school a good idea? Agree or disagree?

Some people believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to take care of themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree?