IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

There are many zoos around the world now. Some people think zoos are cruel and should be banned. What is your opinion?

#zoos #world #people
A significant number of
zoos
 among countries has been more popular in the
lest
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
 decade,
while
 many
people
 believe that
zoos
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 disrespect
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
show examples
 of
animals
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 ought to
banned
Change the verb
ban
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
.
In my
Change preposition
My
show examples
 opinion, I agree that
zoos
 should be
close
Replace the word
closed
show examples
 as it will greatly benefit both
animals
 and society. A good reason to abolish
zoos
 is that the
animals
 in the jungle
more
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
safety
Replace the word
safer
show examples
. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
, when
people
 let the
animals
 live in the jungle, the
animals
 will live with less of
Add an article
the
show examples
threat of
dange
Correct your spelling
danger
dance
.
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 If there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 risk for the
animals
 in the
environment
, they will
breeding
Wrong verb form
breed
show examples
 more and the number of endangered
animals
 will be
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
.
For example
, the majority of
animals
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
 are
more weak
Correct word choice
weaker
show examples
 and depressed than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild
animals
.
Hence
, the jungle is the original place for
animals
 where they can be active. Another point to consider is that imprisonment
animals
Change preposition
of animals
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
 means that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 will face huge
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in the
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 cycle balance. As
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
captivity
animals
 in
cage
Fix the agreement mistake
cages
show examples
 the
environment
 will
surfing
Change the verb form
surf
be surfing
show examples
accordingly
this
 will affect
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
 life. To illustrate, the percentage of breeding
animals
 will decrease in the ecosystem and it threatens
animals
 with extinction.
Finally
,
banned
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
zoos
 will benefit
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and society in the long run for the simple reason that it will save the
animals
Change noun form
animal's
animals'
show examples
 rights from
zoos
Change the noun form
zoo
show examples
 owners.
Additionally
, when there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
zoos
, the
animals
 will not
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 as business to make money. One clear example is
abolish make
Wrong verb form
abolishing
show examples
animals
 as fun shows in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoos
such
 as
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
 the monkey dance in the circus. In conclusion,
while
people
 may vary in their opinions, I think that
animals
 live In the
environment
 and
people
 need to respect animal
right
Replace the word
rights
show examples
.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt. While you have provided some reasons why you believe zoos should be banned, it would be beneficial to discuss counterarguments and provide a more balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that sentences within each paragraph are well-connected.
general english
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and word choices. For example, "zoos is" should be "zoos are", and "less of threat" should be "less of a threat". Also, phrases like "the animals in the jungle more safety" should be corrected for clarity.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame and summarize your argument effectively.
task achievement
You provide multiple reasons to support your opinion, demonstrating your ability to develop an argument.

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