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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry. Summarie the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#process #bricks #industry #summarie #information #features #comparisons
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The given diagram illustrates the manufacturing procedure of
bricks
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the linear and man-made process goes through 7 steps with 3 materials, which
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 with digging and ends with delivering. The process starts with
digging
Add an article
the digging
show examples
 of
clay
Use synonyms
 by
digger
Correct article usage
a digger
show examples
, after which
clay
Use synonyms
 goes through
Correct article usage
an apparat
show examples
apparat
Correct your spelling
apparatus
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 called
roller
Correct article usage
a roller
show examples
 to separate
clay
Use synonyms
 from unnecessary particles.
At
Change preposition
In
show examples
 the third stage, filtered
clay
Use synonyms
 mixes with sand and water. After mixing,
mixture
Correct article usage
the mixture
show examples
cuts
Wrong verb form
is cut
show examples
 by
wire
Correct article usage
a wire
show examples
 cutter or gets its figure in moulds.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
bricks
Use synonyms
 need to be
dry
Replace the word
dried
show examples
 in
drying
Add an article
a drying
show examples
 oven for 24-48 hours.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 step is transforming raw
bricks
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 kiln.
Firstly
Linking Words
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phase, raw
bricks
Use synonyms
 need to be under moderate temperature, which is 200-980
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
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, and under high temperature, which
is ranges
Change the verb form
ranges
show examples
 from 870 to 1300
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
celsius
Capitalize word
Celsius
show examples
. Phase ends with cooling, which goes in
cooling
Add an article
the cooling
a cooling
show examples
 chamber from 24 to 48 hours. Right after that phase, ready
bricks
Use synonyms
 packages and
procedure
Add an article
the procedure
show examples
 ends with delivering
bricks
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words bricks, clay with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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