IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The issue of whether economic
progress
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 should be a government’s primary focus, or whether other forms of
progress
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 are equally important, is a complex one.
While
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 economic prosperity undoubtedly plays a crucial role in national
development
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, I believe that other types of
progress
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,
such
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 as social, cultural, and environmental advancement, are equally important and should be given commensurate attention. Proponents of prioritizing economic growth argue that a robust economy is the foundation for a thriving society. A thriving economy can lead to increased tax revenue, allowing governments to invest in essential services
such
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 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure.
Furthermore
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, a strong economy can create jobs, reduce poverty, and improve the
overall
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 standard of living.
This
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 can be seen in many developed nations where economic growth has been instrumental in improving the lives of citizens and fostering societal well-being.
However
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, focusing solely on economic
progress
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 can have detrimental effects.
For example
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, unchecked economic
development
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 can lead to environmental degradation, resource depletion, and social inequality.
Moreover
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, a purely economic focus may neglect crucial aspects of human
development
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,
such
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 as cultural preservation, social cohesion, and individual well-being. In the long term, neglecting these critical areas can undermine the sustainability and resilience of any nation.
Therefore
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, it is essential to recognize that
progress
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 in various dimensions is equally vital. Social
progress
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,
for instance
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, encompasses factors like reducing poverty, promoting equality, and improving access to education and healthcare. Cultural
progress
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 involves preserving traditional values, fostering creative expression, and promoting diversity. Environmental
progress
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 entails protecting natural resources, mitigating climate change, and ensuring sustainable
development
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. These aspects are inextricably linked to economic
progress
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 and contribute significantly to a nation’s
overall
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 well-being. In conclusion,
while
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 economic
progress
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 is essential, it should not be pursued at the expense of other forms of
progress
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. A holistic approach that considers social, cultural, and environmental factors alongside economic growth is crucial for building a truly sustainable and prosperous nation. By prioritizing a balanced approach that encompasses all these facets of
progress
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, governments can create a society
that is
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 not only economically stable but
also
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 socially equitable, culturally vibrant, and environmentally responsible.

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task achievement
The essay is well-structured and covers various aspects of the topic. However, adding a few more specific examples would strengthen the argument and provide clearer support for your points. For instance, mentioning specific countries or situations where economic progress has led to positive outcomes, or where a balanced approach has been successful, would make the essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To elevate the coherence and cohesion, ensure that all paragraphs are consistently connected with smooth transitions. While the essay is generally cohesive, a few linking words or phrases could make the flow even more seamless.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical structure, with a strong introduction and conclusion that effectively frame the argument.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported and articulated, giving a comprehensive view on the importance of balancing economic progress with other forms of progress.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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