IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working on charity, teaching sport to younger people) To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In today’s society, people’s perspectives on education have shown significant divergence.
Therefore
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, the question of whether high schools should include a compulsory curriculum for free
community
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service
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,
such
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 as working in a charity, helping the neighbourhood, or mentoring younger children, has become a matter of considerable debate. From my perspective, I agree with the viewpoint that
students
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 should engage in volunteer campaigns as these can bring about numerous benefits to them. There are several reasons why experiencing
community
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service
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 is crucial for
students
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.
Firstly
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, the process of volunteering not only fosters problem-solving skills but
also
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 improves their level of independence, as they may encounter many problems they have not faced in school.
Moreove
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Moreover
, working for a charity allows them to meet a variety of people, thereby demanding collaboration and human connection, which enhances their interpersonal skills. Even more importantly,
students
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 can develop their
overall
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 cognitive abilities when engaging in free
community
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service
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.
For instance
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, teaching younger children is an efficient approach to improving their level of patience and empathy, as they will demonstrate resilience and responsibility during the teaching process, all of which are important components of becoming a well-rounded adult.
However
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, it is undeniable that spending excessive time on unpaid
community
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service
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 contributes to certain
concerning
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apply
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issues,
such
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 as
students
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 having little time to learn pivotal subjects like Math, Science, and Technology, which may influence their career prospects.
Nevertheless
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, joining
community
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service
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also
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 provides access to the job market; through work experience,
students
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 can build connections with a wide range of people who may offer job opportunities in the future.
This
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, in turn, paves the way in their career paths In conclusion,
while
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 engaging in unpaid
community
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service
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 may lead to some concerns, the benefits of
this
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 activity far outweigh the disadvantages: the improvement of cognitive skills, the enhancement of
students
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' independence, and an increase in job opportunities, all of which are indispensable for
students
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.

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What works well

4
introduction conclusion present

Your essay has a clear introduction that effectively sets up the topic.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively summarises the main arguments and reiterates your position.

logical structure

You have logically structured your arguments in a coherent manner.

supported main points

Main points are well supported throughout the essay.

Improvement Suggestions

2
task achievement

You have provided a strongly argued essay with clear thesis statements and arguments. However, including more specific examples could strengthen your points further.

coherence cohesion

To further improve coherence, ensure all paragraphs flow well into one another, possibly using more transitional phrases.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unpaid community service
  • compulsory
  • high school programs
  • charity work
  • social responsibility
  • empathy
  • teamwork
  • leadership skills
  • personal development
  • civic participation
  • engagement
  • motivation
  • academic performance
  • life skills
  • burden
  • enforcement
  • privilege
  • citizenship
  • volunteer work
  • community needs
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