IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 believe that a competitive situation is beneficial for
societies
Use synonyms
, in terms of professional, educational, and daily routines. Meanwhile, the
remainders
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remainder
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 prefer to uphold cooperation
instead
Linking Words
 of facing a lot of competition
everyday
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every day
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.
Although
Linking Words
 being cooperative in any
circumstances
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circumstance
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 is a good thing, a
strongly-competitive
Correct your spelling
strongly competitive
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 background will encourage one's motivation to provide a better performance compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others. On the one hand, it is good to have
a cooperative surroundings
Correct the article-noun agreement
a cooperative surrounding
cooperative surroundings
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, both in professional
lives
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or
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and
show examples
 daily
lives
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. In fact,
such
Linking Words
 conditions can minimize conflicts from happening between others and may reduce tensions among teamwork.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
societies
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 believe that
this
Linking Words
 kind of situation can make
people
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 work or act together simultaneously, in order to achieve common goals.
However
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, if
people
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 uphold cooperation too much in their
lives
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, there are chances for several individuals to become somewhat less motivated since there are bigger chances of too much tolerance in their surroundings.
For example
Linking Words
, during group assignments
at
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in
show examples
 class, some children have less courage to do their roles properly
due to
Linking Words
 having a thought that their friends will cover the work
at the end
Linking Words
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
competitive circumstances can lead to make everyone in
societies
Use synonyms
 having a motivation to outperform each other.
In other words
Linking Words
, each individual will make the most of their
performances
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performance
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 in order to achieve the best results
while
Linking Words
 doing their jobs, school assignments, or working for
Use synonyms
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will
also
Linking Words
 lead to a better quality of outcome, compared to those with less courage. In handling a project at a company,
for instance
Linking Words
, workers who compete against their colleagues will put their maximum effort
to finish
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into finishing
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 the project on time in order to get a bonus, since there will be only one "employee of the year" in each period who will receive
such
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 a
high-level
Correct your spelling
high level
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 of appreciation. In conclusion, it is true that a cooperative environment will make
people
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to
Change the verb form
apply
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live with less conflict and greater
opportunity
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opportunities
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 to work side-by-side
in achieving
Change preposition
to achieve
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 common objectives. Having a competitive surrounding,
however
Linking Words
, can increase
people
Use synonyms
's motivation and may encourage them to deliver their best performance in doing their tasks in daily
Use synonyms
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
.

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coherence
Work on improving sentence structure and coherence within paragraphs. Consider using more varied linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
task response
Further elaborate on your points with more specific examples. For instance, when discussing the benefits of cooperation, you could include examples from real-life scenarios, such as successful team projects.
coherence
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to enhance clarity.
task response
The essay addresses both views (competition and cooperation), and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements.
coherence
There is a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in making the essay easy to follow.
relevance
Some good examples were provided to support the main arguments, such as the group assignments in class and handling a project at a company.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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