Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth should be stopped. Discuss both views.

Some
individuals
are of the view that the
growth
of
industries
is leading to
poverty
and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
to put
hold
Add an article
a hold
show examples
on it,
whiles
Replace the word
while
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
believe that the
growth
of
industries
rather address
poverty
. The essay will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
the writer's
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
.
To begin
with, the
growth
of
industries
is the major cause of
poverty
in some countries. Construction of
industries
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
vast land and properties
such
as homes, shops and small businesses sometimes
faces
Correct subject-verb agreement
face
show examples
demolishing
Replace the word
demolition
show examples
for new construction of factories thereby leading to
poverty
among those
individuals
living there. Some become homeless and jobless
as a result
of relocation to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
area. Another point is,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
growth
industries
may result in higher costs of living in
those vicinity
Change the determiner
that vicinity
those vicinities
show examples
since
cost
Add an article
the cost
show examples
of rent and food goes higher thereby leading to
poverty
among low-income families.
On the other hand
, the
growth
of
industries
promotes employment
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
for those in the country.
Such
as graduation and the youth. If those people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
jobs after completion of school,many tend to be responsible in future and
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
rate
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
reduces
Wrong verb form
will reduce
show examples
. Another point is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
leads to the
growth
of businesses and boosts income. Since the people in
those society
Change the determiner
that society
those societies
show examples
are working, purchasing power increases
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
business owners get enough profits from sales.
For instance
buying and selling increases. To add up import of goods reduces and people tend to patronize locally made goods and
this
promotes
growth
and productivity among
individuals
where
poverty
reduceses
Correct your spelling
reduces
. In conclusion, industrial
growth
solves
poverty
by creating employment
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
among
individuals
and
growth
of businesses and boosts income.
Whereas others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
that it can lead to
poverty
by demolishing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
homes and
industries
.
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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task achievement
You should work on providing more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This would help in making your points more convincing and your essay stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve your logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows naturally to the next. Use more transition words and phrases to help with this. It will make the essay easier to read and understand.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity in your writing. While minor errors do not severely impact your score, improving this aspect can make your essay more polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both views, providing a balanced perspective on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally clear and you have a logical approach to discussing the topic.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial growth
  • poverty
  • income opportunities
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • income inequality
  • wealthy individuals
  • corporations
  • environmental impacts
  • impoverished communities
  • sustainable development
  • inclusive development
  • alleviation
  • measures
  • accompany
  • concerns
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