IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, but some other people argue that industrial growth should be stopped. Discuss both views.

#people #growth #poverty
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Some
individuals
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 are of the view that the
growth
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 of
industries
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 is leading to
poverty
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 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to put
hold
Add an article
a hold
show examples
 on it,
whiles
Replace the word
while
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that the
growth
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 of
industries
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 rather address
poverty
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. The essay will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 the writer's
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
growth
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 of
industries
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 is the major cause of
poverty
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 in some countries. Construction of
industries
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consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
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 vast land and properties
such
Linking Words
 as homes, shops and small businesses sometimes
faces
Correct subject-verb agreement
face
show examples
demolishing
Replace the word
demolition
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 for new construction of factories thereby leading to
poverty
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 among those
individuals
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 living there. Some become homeless and jobless
as a result
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 of relocation to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 area. Another point is,
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
industries
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 may result in higher costs of living in
those vicinity
Change the determiner
that vicinity
those vicinities
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 since
cost
Add an article
the cost
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 of rent and food goes higher thereby leading to
poverty
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 among low-income families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
growth
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 of
industries
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 promotes employment
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
 for those in the country.
Such
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 as graduation and the youth. If those people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
gets
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get
show examples
 jobs after completion of school,many tend to be responsible in future and
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
reduces
Wrong verb form
will reduce
show examples
. Another point is,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 leads to the
growth
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 of businesses and boosts income. Since the people in
those society
Change the determiner
that society
those societies
show examples
 are working, purchasing power increases
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 business owners get enough profits from sales.
For instance
Linking Words
 buying and selling increases. To add up import of goods reduces and people tend to patronize locally made goods and
this
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 promotes
growth
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 and productivity among
individuals
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 where
poverty
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reduceses
Correct your spelling
reduces
. In conclusion, industrial
growth
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 solves
poverty
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 by creating employment
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 among
individuals
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 and
growth
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 of businesses and boosts income.
Linking Words
Whereas others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that it can lead to
poverty
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 by demolishing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
homes and
industries
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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task achievement
You should work on providing more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. This would help in making your points more convincing and your essay stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve your logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows naturally to the next. Use more transition words and phrases to help with this. It will make the essay easier to read and understand.
general
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to ensure clarity in your writing. While minor errors do not severely impact your score, improving this aspect can make your essay more polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
You have successfully discussed both views, providing a balanced perspective on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally clear and you have a logical approach to discussing the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • industrial growth
  • poverty
  • income opportunities
  • technological advancements
  • productivity
  • income inequality
  • wealthy individuals
  • corporations
  • environmental impacts
  • impoverished communities
  • sustainable development
  • inclusive development
  • alleviation
  • measures
  • accompany
  • concerns
What to do next:
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