People attend college or Universities for many different reasons (for example new experience,career preparation,increase knowledge etc). Why do you think people attend colleges or universities?

Universities
were once visited for
career
preparation,
whereas
nowadays, people attend
univerities
Correct your spelling
universities
for different
reasons
. In
this
essay, I will discuss the many different
reasons
why people attend
universities
. In the past, the main reason to attend
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
was to
further
one´s
career
.
Universities
provided the necessary credentials that were needed to apply for job vacancies and
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
the necessary skills to be
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
in the chosen
career
path. By coming into contact with peers,
this
provided
valueble
Correct your spelling
valuable
networking opportunities as well, which would be practical in later life.
Likewise
, today, there are many other
reasons
for attending
universities
. The
experience
of living on your own
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
can lead to personal growth. The fact that a young person has to develop critical thinking,
self discipline
Add a hyphen
self-discipline
show examples
to be able to study every day, and independence, by living away from his parents.
Therefore
making those years a transformative
experience
for the individual.
Furthermore
, the collaborations with
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
on tasks can broaden one´s view on things and lead to an unexpected change of view on many topics of life.
For example
, coming into contact with persons who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
in a
complety
Correct your spelling
completely
different region of the country, or who have different
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
opinions on recent political issues can be a driver for personal growth.
Overall
, I can conclude the
reasons
today for attending university today are much more multifaceted than they were in the past.
In addition
to preparing for a future
career
, one can
experience
personal growth by being
indepent
Correct your spelling
independent
for the first time.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
it can be a transformative
experience
by broadening one´s view of the world.
Submitted by laurens.belgium on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is excellent overall. Your essay transitions smoothly from discussing past reasons for attending university to current motivations, helping maintain a clear and coherent argument. However, adding more specific examples could further strengthen and clarify your points.
Task Achievement
While you covered the task's requirements and provided a well-rounded analysis, adding more clear and concise examples can help in illustrating your points more vividly. Consider expanding on key details that demonstrate unique reasons for university attendance today, which will aid in making your argument more convincing.
Task Achievement
There are a few grammatical and spelling errors that should be addressed to improve the overall quality of the essay. For example, 'teached' should be 'taught,' 'valueble' should be 'valuable,' and 'collegues' should be 'colleagues.' Careful proofreading can enhance your writing's clarity and professionalism.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are very strong and effectively encapsulate your main ideas. They provide a clear framework for your essay and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have used a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary effectively, which adds depth and interest to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transformative experience
  • critical thinking
  • self-discipline
  • independence
  • credentials
  • networking opportunities
  • specialized knowledge
  • general knowledge
  • lasting friendships
  • professional relationships
  • alumni
  • collaborations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: