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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Freshwater has always been a limited resource in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand and what measure could governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

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Some parts of the globe have limited
access
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 to clean
water
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. Nowadays, the up-growing
demand
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 for
water
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 has become a rising global problem.
This
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 is because of over-population and wasting
water
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thus
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, it could be managed by
water
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 preserving and re-using cleaned
waste
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water
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. Many gifted people
waste
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water
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 excessively as they have
access
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 to fresh
water
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 year-round. Over-use of
water
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 for
such
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 household activities
as well as
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 agricultural purposes results in depletion of
water
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 sources.
Moreover
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, it can lead to a drastic decrease in domestic
water
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 supplies. Another cause for freshwater supply being restricted in a few global areas is the overgrowth of the population. When the population grows dramatically,
demand
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 for
fresh
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freshwater
show examples
water
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 increases despite the limited supply sources.
For example
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,
overpopulationpopulation
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overpopulation
 is best seen in India they have
much
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apply
show examples
limited
access
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 to semi-cleaned
water
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 and for those getting freshwater is impossible.
However
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, Governments
as well as
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 citizens can take action to preserve freshwater. Rain is the main source of clean
water
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.
Therefore
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, they can build tanks or
such
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 structures to collect rainwaterwater, so that they can use them when in need.
For example
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, ancient Srilankan kings made reservoirs to collect
water
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 from the sky and even in recent times those are being used for day-to-day activities.
Furthermore
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, governments can introduce systems which can purify dirty
water
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, which can be used for domestic work apart from drinking.
For instance
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, the government in Dubai successfully managed to carry out the process of purifying
waste
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water
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 and it had made a huge impact on
water
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demand
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 in the country. In conclusion, few areas around the world have limited
access
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 to fresh
water
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 and the high
demand
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 has made it a global matter. It is mainly because of wasting
water
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 and
overpopulationpopulation
Correct your spelling
overpopulation population
.
However
Linking Words
, it can be reduced by preserving
water
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as well as
Linking Words
 by
re-using
Correct your spelling
reusing
show examples
cleaned
Replace the word
clean
show examples
Use synonyms
waste
Correct your spelling
wastewater
show examples
water
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.

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task achievement
Clarify what 'gifted people' means as it may confuse readers since it usually refers to talented individuals. Perhaps you meant 'wealthy people' or 'privileged individuals'.
task achievement
Replace 'up-growing demand' with 'increasing demand' for more natural phrasing.
coherence cohesion
Address and revise repetitions such as 'overpopulationpopulation' to avoid awkward grammar issues.
coherence cohesion
Offer more explanation for how rainwater harvesting and wastewater treatment can effectively address the water shortage problem to strengthen the logical structure.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the points, such as the example of India and the government of Dubai.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a clear and logical structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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