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Band 5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditiond are difficult, such as the Sahar desert or the Antartic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

#tourists #places #conditiond #sahar #desert #antartic #visit
Nowadays, some
people
 like to challenge themselves, heading to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place with
strict
Correct article usage
a strict
show examples
 environment. Those
places
such
 as
Sahar
Correct article usage
the Sahar
show examples
 desert do have many exclusive creatures and sceneries. I will argue the pros and cons
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 visiting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place with difficult
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. I believe that
people
explore
Correct pronoun usage
who explore
show examples
 those
places
 can view the unique environment and unforgettable experience.
In
Change the preposition
On
show examples
 the contrary,
people
 might put themselves
into
Change preposition
at
show examples
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
show examples
 and probably lose their lives.
People
visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 the extreme area might discover special views
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with the regular environment. Take
Antarctic
Correct article usage
the Antarctic
show examples
 as
example
Add an article
an example
show examples
, before you
achieve
Verb problem
reach
show examples
 that area, you must fly
thousand
Change the article
a thousand
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 miles to the closest airport
then
 transit on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cruise ship,
finally
Correct word choice
and finally
show examples
landing
Replace the word
land
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Iceland. Imagine that you are standing on the glacier and watching the snow leopards running in front of you. That’s the reason why some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 love to spend so much time
to visit
Change the verb form
visiting
show examples
.
However
, in order to take the best photo in
such
dangerous
Correct article usage
a dangerous
show examples
 area,
people
 should pay
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the price. There was some news which had reported about
people
 lost their lives in those
places
. The difficult conditions which are not suitable for
people
 to survive, including bad weather, extreme temperature, food shortage and hard to achieve. That said, not every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 can endure that kind of situation and could cause
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
terrible
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
show examples
 if they get sick.
Therefore
, visiting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 place with difficult
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 is risky. All in all, exploring
places
 with strict
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 is an
attracting
Replace the word
attractive
show examples
 activity. It
fulfill
Change the verb form
fulfills
show examples
 the
people
 who
longing
Change the form of the verb
long
show examples
for seeing
Change preposition
to see
show examples
 the best view of the world, but
also
 brings
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 dangerous situation when they are standing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dangerous terrains.
People
 should evaluate their own situation before going to those
places
.
Submitted by aa0963178783 on

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task achievement
Try to enrich your arguments with more detailed examples to make them more compelling and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are unclear or awkward, affecting the clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for your discussion.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed both the benefits and disadvantages of visiting difficult places.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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