Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?
Shopping is
the
Correct article usage
a
favorite
pastime for many young generations. As a youth, I admit it. Shopping is Change the spelling
favourite
such
an activity that can make people
feel relax
from everything that Wrong verb form
relaxed
disturb
them. Change the verb form
disturbs
However
, it is stil
important to Correct your spelling
still
doing
other useful activities.
For young Change the form of the verb
do
people
, shopping can be a way to express how they love themselves or as a reward. By doing shopping, people
can temporary
get out Change the adjective
temporarily
from
their work. Sometimes Change preposition
of
people
are
just Verb problem
apply
going
around at a department store, seeing the products they want Wrong verb form
go
to
without buying Change preposition
apply
it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
In other words
, shopping is not always spending
Change preposition
about spending
the
money but Correct article usage
apply
also
making
Change preposition
about making
people
happy and feel refresh
. To illustrate, Wrong verb form
refreshed
buy
something that Wrong verb form
buying
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
really want to
can make them Verb problem
apply
relieve
from stress.
Wrong verb form
relieved
On the other hand
, people
must bear in their
mind Correct pronoun usage
apply
if
shopping is not everything. They can make shopping more valuable. Correct word choice
that
For example
, the things that we shop Change preposition
for is
is
not always our needs but just our impulsivity. Because of that, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
easily get bored by the things that have bought. Thus
, they can donate or give it for
those who more need it. Change preposition
to
In other words
, shopping is not only an activity that make
the shopper happy but Change the verb form
makes
also
can be meaningful for others. In addition
, the shopper can try other things such
as going around because it is also
can make
them Verb problem
give
get
some fresh air and it Verb problem
apply
is have
good impacts like shopping.
To summarise, shopping is a shape of Change the verb form
has
appreciate
themselves. But, the shopping activity can be more useful if they want to share Change the verb form
appreciating
to
others. Change preposition
with
Moreover
, I highly recommend who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
likes
shopping to do some other Correct subject-verb agreement
like
activites
like reading or doing sports.Correct your spelling
activities
Submitted by wishmeluck on
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task achievement
Try to develop your arguments more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will help to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your supporting sentences consistently relate to this central point.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the flow of your essay by using a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases and conjunctions, to link your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
You've done a good job of introducing the topic and presenting a clear opinion on it.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and offers a recommendation, which is a strong way to end the essay.