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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think that the government should spend money on the search for life on other planets, whiles others believe that is a waste of public money because there are still many problems on earth. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #government #money #search #life #planets #whiles #waste #earth
Some individuals believe that the government should invest
money
on
Change preposition
in
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 searching for life on other planets,
whiles
Replace the word
while
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 others individuals think
that is
 a waste of public funds since there are still a
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
show examples
 problems on earth to be addressed. The essay will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 writer's
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 and give
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
.
To begin
 with, spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public
money
 on space is a total waste since it's expensive to do and might be failed.
This
money
 could be spent on profitable
investment
Fix the agreement mistake
investments
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such
 as quality healthcare and education.
Such
money's
Change noun form
money
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 could be allocated to urban areas for
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
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 of new schools and new hospitals, giving scholarships and provision of healthcare insurance for
low -income
Correct your spelling
low-income
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 families.
On the other hand
, some researchers and scientists
has
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have
show examples
 predicted that the earth will be
contaminated
Correct article usage
a contaminated
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 and polluted place where no species can survive in years to come. The government should spend
money
 in search
for
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of
show examples
 lives on other planets so that people
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 migrate to
this
 new planet
due to
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
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 in
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
on
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of
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 humans.
Although
 the officials
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 started to use renewable energy
such
 as wind and water power and recycling materials, they still cannot serve all demands.
To conclude
, the writer is of the view that government should not spend
money
 to explore life on other planets as there are many problems that need to be taken care of.
Submitted by priscillaagyeiwaaboahen on

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clear comprehensive ideas
It's important to ensure all points are clearly expressed with adequate elaboration. For example, the second body paragraph could benefit from a more thorough explanation of why space exploration is seen as crucial by some scientists.
grammar usage
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For example, 'such money's could be allocated' should be 'such money could be allocated' and 'whiles others' should be 'while others.'
coherence
Ensure coherence between paragraphs by using suitable linking words and phrases. The transition between the ideas within paragraphs could be smoother to ensure a logical flow.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments. For instance, mentioning specific initiatives or potential benefits of investing in space exploration could strengthen the essay's points.
task response
The essay addresses both viewpoints as instructed by the prompt and provides an opinion, fulfilling the task response requirement.
introduction conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present and fairly clear, guiding the reader through the essay's main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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