These days people prefer to watch live performances (Shows, concerts) through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of event. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #performances #concerts #tv #computer #place #event

The increase of streaming via PC or computer has

becoming

Change the form of the verb

become

show examples

more popular over the years. Some even say

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

even more popular than live events. In

this

essay, I will discuss the benefits of both and give my opinion on the matter Streaming services, like Netflix or Amazon, have been increasingly popular over the

last

year. The convenience of watching your favourite artist or sports team

Remove the comma

apply

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has tempted lots of pundits to subscribe to an online service.

Reasons

Correct article usage

The reasons

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for

this

are multifaceted.

While

being at

home

, spectators can enjoy

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apply

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the privacy of their

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

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, without

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

bothering

drive

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to drive

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to the venue, where they have to pay

parking

Change preposition

for parking

show examples

as well. The comfort of being inside, shielded from the elements, has proven to be a big factor in the decision of many

people

to disband going to venues in person.

Additionally

, the cost of attending

such

events

are

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lower, because the

cost sharing

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cost-sharing

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aspect of needing only one ticket on streaming services substantially improves its

attractivness

Correct your spelling

attractiveness

Furthermore

, drinks and snacks do not have to be purchased at inflated prices when pundits can stay at

home

. Taking breaks,

for example

going to the toilet, does not have to be

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show examples

catastrophic event, leading to

miss

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missing

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important

occurances

Correct your spelling

occurrences

in the

livestream

Correct your spelling

live stream

On the other hand

, when watching things

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show examples

the television, a certain important aspect is missing, namely the ability to socialize and interact with peers. Many

people

enjoy the fact of meeting new friends and discussing the event

while

it is taking place. Potential new partners are not met,

new

Correct word choice

and new

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friendships are not being established. The atmosphere experienced at the venue is not something that can be replicated easily at

home

. Large crowds lead to an immersive experience that a television set can not topple.

Overall

, I have

to conclude

that, even when streaming services are becoming more and more convenient

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for

show examples

people

. The unique experiences

people

get from attending live do not compare to watching something from

home

Submitted by laurens.belgium on Mon Jul 15 2024

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task response

Your introduction sets the stage well, but it could benefit from a clearer thesis statement outlining your stance more precisely.

task response

Try to avoid minor grammatical errors and word choice inaccuracies, such as 'becoming more popular over the years', which should be 'has been becoming more popular over the years.'

task response

Further elaborate on the specifics of live and streaming experiences by using more varied examples to strengthen your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Structure your paragraphs with clearer topic sentences to improve logical flow. This will help the reader easily follow your argument.

coherence cohesion

Link ideas more cohesively by using transition words and phrases. This can be done by focusing on the relationships between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

You might consider adding a stronger conclusion that succinctly summarizes your key points and reinforces your argument.

task response

You provide a balanced view by discussing both the benefits of streaming services and attending live events.

task response

Main points are supported with relevant examples, like the convenience of watching from home and the social benefits of attending live events.

coherence cohesion

Well-organized essay with distinct paragraphs for supporting different points of your argument.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

328 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

live performance
streaming
mobility issues
busy schedules
substantially cheaper
broadens cultural horizons
customize their environment
electric atmosphere
social interaction
technical issues
immersive experience

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